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She storms out of the room, leaving Tory and me giggling in her wake. She’s truly a force to be reckoned with.
“When did you get back?” Tory asks tiredly. “Tell me something to distract me. The only thing that exists right now is this pressure in my uterus.”
Gross.
“We’ve only been back a few hours. But it was stunning. I went to both of my parent’s hometowns and meet all of their family. I have cousins I didn’t even know existed. My family there is at least three times bigger than the club.”
“That’s nice.” She smiles weakly. “It’s nice to know someone in our circle of friends came from a stable family. It gives me hope that Nicholas and I won’t completely fuck up our son.”
I eye her in surprise, and see that she means her words completely. “My mom wasn’t around much, and Nicholas has an extremely complicated family.”
I nod, remembering Hex telling me a little about Seer’s past and his twin brother. I can’t imagine having such a volatile family life.
“For the last few months, I’ve been terrified that neither of us really knows how to model a normal family,” she admits, tears gathering on her cheeks.
I wipe the tears off her face and run my fingers through her hair in a comforting gesture. She leans into me and sniffles.
“If I’ve learned anything in the last few months, it’s that sometimes you have to create your own family,” I tell her. “My parents were great, but now they’re gone. Now I have Hex and I have you and everyone else. You’re as close to me as my real family ever was.”
She sniffles again and nods.
“Besides, you take care of everyone so well,” I remind her. “Think of everything you did to save me and get rid of Anderson’s spirit last summer. You’re a natural caretaker, and that little baby will be so lucky you’re his mom.”
She starts crying in earnest as Seer walks in. He rushes to her, panicked at the sight of her tears. I move out of the way so he can kiss her and cradle her face in his hands.
“What’s wrong, mon couer?” he whispers.
“Everything is perfect. I’m just so tired. How much longer do I have to do this?”
Abigail smiles sympathetically and goes back to patting her forehead.
As it turns out, Tory’s labor lasts for nearly thirty hours. Her new son is stubborn, reminding me of all the other men in this club. She’ll raise him with kindness and humility. She and Seer will be wonderful parents.
We take turns holding the little boy, so tiny and fragile in our hands. Despite his size, he’s able to scream like a grown man, his lungs perfectly healthy. When he cries, Hex startles and we hand him back to his momma for a feeding.
Hex and I head home, exhausted and excited to welcome Nicholas Pocus Abner, Nicky for short, into the household. He goes to help Pocus set up the new nursery, a room the men have been working on for weeks. They’ve saved a few small jobs for Hex, knowing he’d want to help with the setup. It’s sweet how much they consider one another.
When he finally comes to our bed, he’s smiling and joyful. He’s taking his role as Nicky’s godfather seriously. He eyes me as he walks over to his bed, a hesitant look on his face.
“What’s wrong?” I ask him, suddenly feeling nervous.
“It’s just occurred to me that we’ve never had the kid conversation. And I’ve gotta be honest, Jules, I’m not sure if I want this gig full-time.”
I giggle because I’ve been thinking the same thing. I sigh happily, knowing we’re on the same page without having discussed it.
“I’m definitely not ready to be a mom. I’m still learning how to enjoy life again, I don’t want to give that up to take care of another person full-time.”
“When Nicky screamed earlier, I thought I was going to shit myself,” he says, his face terrified. “I’d forgotten what it was like when Daisy was a newborn, and we’ve been gone for so long. I’m so happy for Pocus and Seer, but I don’t envy them.”
“We’re definitely getting more sleep than they are,” I agree, snuggling into him.
He closes his eyes and chuckles, aimlessly running his hand up and down my arm. I relax at his touch, thinking that despite my lack of motherly desire at the moment, we would make good parents. Eventually. When the time is right. In the meantime, we’ll be the best godparents.
For the next few weeks, we dote over Nicky, babysitting him when Seer and Tory need a break and changing more diapers than we ever thought we would.
“I thought this godfather thing was more of a theoretical,” Hex complains one night after a particularly nasty blowout.
I hand him the baby wipes and take the dirty diaper, discarding it in the special diaper trashcan. Sometimes when I’m in the nursery, it overwhelms me to see everything it takes to care for a baby, and I’m reminded of more reasons why I’m not ready to have one. The furniture alone is more than I want to deal with.
