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Liam and I have been avoiding each other for two days now. Well, I’ve been avoiding him so much that I don’t actually know if he’s avoiding me or not.
I’ve thought it over, wondering what would have happened if the phone hadn’t gone off. I can’t decide if he would have tried something, leading to me having to push him away and cause a whole new drama in my life or if he would have kept the desire to himself, though with his crude jokes, inappropriate glances, and possessive questions about my not-my-boyfriend boyfriend and potential fiancé, I can’t help but suspect that he will at some point at least try something that I know I will be uncomfortable with.
He’s best friends with my dad. I have never thought about Liam in that way.
I’m so screwed.
I need to be concentrating on Gray and yet between Liam being too much, Crow that I want to see more than ever while he’s constantly busy, and a deepening connection forming with Victor, as well as my name having a bounty attached to it, our club being at war and everything else, I can not think clearly.
Crow’s been here daily, as usual, though he seems to be busy and disappearing for hours on end, meaning that I’ve not had any chance to talk to him privately about anything. I’ve spent the days in my room, doing very little. Reading, eating, watching Netflix, and wondering when Crow will come back. Anytime it’s just Liam and I in the house, I’ve made sure to stay in my room with the door shut, not wanting to be near him for the fear of him making me feel so awkward and uncomfortable again while simultaneously blaming me for it.
At the start of this year, I was determined to figure out so many things. My five year plan. My way out of this town. Finding Gray. And one day finding my peace.
I want to break away from the life I’m living and movetowards the life that I have always wanted.
I don’t want a complicated, dramatic, chaotic life. I want peace, tranquillity, and a home that you walk into and instantly feel relaxed in.
My mind instantly moves to images of Victor’s apartment and how cosy, wholesome, and homely I felt while in there.
All my mind seemed to be able to comprehend right now is boys. Men. The useless half of the human species. OK, maybe not useless. They aren’t useless, really. I just don’t have the mental capacity to cope with anything other than the immediate troubles right now – finding Gray and getting myself out of trouble.
Crow had suggested a party next week and I had refused, but maybe letting my hair down and enjoying myself without overthinking every minute of every day was exactly what I need.
I've drank before but I’m not a huge fan. This party is at the clubhouse, which in one sense is great because it means I will be in a place that I am comfortable and I feel at home at. But it also means that everyone will be there, which I normally wouldn’t mind, but the idea of being around both Liam and Crow doesn’t appeal to me.
I suppose I could just have a few drinks and stay with Crow, and if I want to go home then I can. I can even stay at the club if need be, and I know I will be safe there.
Maybe I will go after all. I can dress up, make myself feel nice, and if I don’t like it, I never have to go again. Right?
Crow has gone out to run some errands for Dad, so I have been left bored in the house alone.
I decide to venture downstairs and look for Dad since I have very little else to do and I know he is home. I still need to get answers out of him about the meeting and what the plan is about getting me off the market. I hate that I sound like a piece of meat being put up at the local market for sale. The thought makes me shiver.
Liam was supposed to be at the Club with meetings today. It is early, so I’m sure he will still be there.
Just as I turn around the corner into the kitchen, I hit something hard. I expect a wall that I’ve misjudged, but as I look up I realise that it’s the very same creep I’ve been trying so hard to avoid.
I move to the left immediately in a hasty attempt to get out of his way before anything other than the very literal bump in occurs, but he of course goes to the left along with me, and then the right.
I stop. That’s what you’re meant to do when you’re lost, isn’t it? Stop exactly where you are and wait. Well, here I am, lost and waiting.
If any heros want to come and collect me now, that would be great please and thank you. Or not.
Liam doesn’t go past me when given the chance though. No. He’s looking me up and down, so slowly it burns.
I’m in my baggy shirt. Well, it’s one of Crow's. He left it here a while ago, and I wear it all the time.
Liam still seems to be examining me. Actually, no, that’s a complete lie. He’s not examining me, it’s my body he’s looking up and down. The disgust that forms in my mind and convulsed through my body brings up an involuntary shiver.
I slap the underneath of his chin up so that he’s looking directly at me.
“My face is here.” I walk past him before giving him a chance to respond, knowing Dad won’t be too far away, and since it’s him I came out here looking for, I ignore the man behind me and carry on with my mission. Dad.
He’s sat outside on the deck chairs. God knows why since it's January and cold. Great. Now I’m going to freeze.
I halt at the back door; my dad has got his back to me so is completely unaware of my presence.
I contemplate going back upstairs to change, but realise rather quickly that I am far too lazy to go upstairs, to get changed to come back to a spot that I’m already stood in.
