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"Char, no. No, fucking hell, no. I hate to admit it but one way or another, these people, these fucking animals," he snarls, "would have got you. Christ, I've been here for months, and I've never even met the top dog and even the mention of them has me fucking shaking. He's a stubborn fuck by the sounds of it. I can tell you that nothing you did or didn't do would have made a difference. It might not have been that day, or even that week or month, but you would have ended up in their grasp no matter what. But now is our time to get out, Charlie. Now is our time to move on from this. You're with me, right?" I nod feverishly at his words, my head bobbing of its own accord as my chest fills with emotion, with love for my brother that's been as tortured as I have, if nothing else by simply knowing what I've been through while here.
"Midnight. Midnight in five days’ time, and they'll be here. Just act normal until then and the rest is sorted, OK? Just be who you need to be to survive until then. Can you do that?" I nod again, not trusting my words to come out with as much strength or conviction as I would like.
"OK, right, now sit down and play a game with me, you know what Liam's like if he thinks we've been scheming," he mutters as he takes to the table and pulls out the board game. I follow him over, taking a seat opposite him, watching and imagining the reunion I've wanted for so long as he puts the board out between us.
He's right. Liam hates when we're just sat chatting when he walks in. He always asks what we're planning, what we've been talking about when in actuality up until today, we've very genuinely just been talking to each other. He's a paranoid man - admittedly with good reason because he knows as well as I do that I would love nothing more than to leave, but I'm certainly not going to be the person to give in to his paranoid state.
Five days and I leave. I hope. The last plan was the furthest thing from successful. Gray had a plan, told me the day and time, a day and time that Liam somehow also knew about and then it came and went. Nothing happened. It turns out the guards had changed rotation which put the whole idea in jeopardy.
This one might work, and then I'll really say goodbye to Liam. And then what happens to him? I hate that any single part of me even wonders, let alone cares. I'm going to need some serious fucking therapy when I get home.
My mind wanders back to the thoughts of Gray and the potential consequences of his plan going wrong. Come to think of it, aside from being aware of him having his own apartment in here, I've never asked what he does, what's taken from him.
"Gray, where do you go when you leave here? What do you do?" I ask.
I watch as his eyes lifts slowly to meet mine.
"I usually go and stay in my apartment. They ask me to do menial jobs - cleaning up, doing the accounts, crap that no one wants to do. I don't have the same problem you do," he tells me.
We haven't spoken about it. He's not asked, and I've not divulged the information, but I have no doubt that he knows and by the look of wrath filling his eyes, I know that he doesn't like it any more than I did to begin with.
"He's not all bad. He's better than what you've told me happens out there. Much better. He does care about me in his own fucked up way. I know how to get around him, how to get what I want sometimes," I tell him honestly.
He nods his head at me, likely unsure of what else he can say or do. We're both stuck here with no one to save us. Yet.
"I know he's not what I thought he was, but that doesn't change the fact that I don't like what I suspect happens when I leave." He rolls the dice, effectively stopping the conversation there as he makes his next move on the board.
Six
Charlie
"I'll be out in a second," I call back to Liam through the bathroom door. He doesn't like leaving me in here for too long. He's probably afraid that I'll find a way out or possibly drown myself in the bath. I couldn't pretend that I hadn't at least thought about trying both of the above. I have never been so uncertain of myself, my mind and my mental strength or the lack of it, since being held as a prisoner.
They don’t happen often - panic attacks - and when they do, Liam is usually at work so I am alone or Gray has been here once, but I can't cope with this while he is around.
"What are you doing?" Liam questions as he taps on the door again.
The tears brim to the surface and don't leave as I feel my breathing speed up. A sudden and overwhelming sense of anxiety and helplessness overcoming every part of me.
I can't do it. I can't be here. I can't be in this room or this place or in my mind. My mind is shutting down, my body not far behind it.
I can feel my body shaking, and violently so as I quiver in a seated position underneath the spray of the shower. The water is the only thing keeping me from losing it entirely. It's freeing knowing that it comes from the outside world. The only thing from the outside world that is coming for me.
My chest feels like there's a stampede of beasts stomping on top of me, my heart beating so quickly from the never-ending pressure on me that I can hardly breathe. The breaths coming out of me are short and sporadic in nature, leaving me feeling even more panicked than before.
"Open the door or I'm coming in." Liam.
But I can't move. I can't speak or think or do anything aside from ride the wave of the all-consuming panic and pain filling me.
My chest pumps as the sobs shake my body under the water, my eyes closed, unable to distinguish and explain or cope with the situation I'm in.
Breathe. I just need to breathe.
Fucking breathe.
"Charlie." His voice sounds so close but with my eyes closed, I can't figure out if he managed to get in. I locked the door. Did he unlock it? Is he in the bathroom?
Open your eyes.
