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“Thank you for the…” I hesitated, trying to figure out how to make it clear that my feelings had nothing to do with what had just happened. “Release,” I finished.
“Is that all that was?” he asked, prowling closer until he was an inch from me. I looked away and his hand came up to tilt my chin until I was looking at him.
“Yes,” I declared, realizing on some level the irony that I was now the liar, but not caring. “Just sex.”
“Truth for a truth, Red. There is nothingjustabout anything we do,” Carnon growled, brows furrowed in what I thought might be rising anger. “No more lies between us.”
“Ha!” I scoffed, wrapping my arms around myself. “That is rich, coming from the one and only King of Lies and Deceit. You’re still keeping things from me.”
“I am,” he confessed, for once not even pretending that he wasn’t. “Keeping secrets to protect you is not the same as lying.”
“Truth then. I still can’t trust you,” I said, the words spilling out of me as if he had compelled them. “And I want to, so desperately it makes no sense to me.” I took a step back, needing space from his intoxicating presence. “I want trust and I want you and I don’t understand why, because you lied and you hurt me and I haven’t forgiven you yet.” I felt a strange sense of relief, flooding him with my truth. It was as if I had drunk three glasses of bloodberry wine, and couldn’t keep it in any longer.
Carnon closed the distance again, cupping my face with his hands and stroking a thumb over my cheekbone. I didn’t stop him, fool that I was. “Elara. This last truth…” he sighed, looking up at the ceiling for a moment before looking back down at me. “I don’t want you to think you have no choice in any of this.”
I made an exasperated noise. “What does that even mean?” I cried. “If you care for me the way you claim to, you should tell me everything, even if it might hurt. Not telling me is making the choice for me.”
Carnon pursed his lips, and his silence spoke volumes. I let out an unamused laugh, taking a step away, and he dropped his hands without protest. “I don’t dojust sex,” he finally said, voice low and intense. “Not with anyone for a long time, and certainly not with you.Neverwith you, and that’s the truth.” I frowned, feeling confused and conflicted as he stepped closer. “Stop being so damn stubborn.”
“I’m the stubborn one?” I asked, outrage building at this accusation. Carnon leaned closer.
“When you’re ready to admit your feelings,” he continued, so close that I could feel his breath on my face, “and when you’re ready to give yourself to me mind, body, and soul, Red, only then can I give you my final truth. If I do it before, you’ll run. I’ve been looking for you for too long to lose you now.”
“Then I guess you’ll never tell me,” I said, taking another step back and feeling tears of anger and shame prick my eyes. I supposed the reason he had been looking for me was tied up in this truth, and curiosity chafed at me. I shoved it down deep. “Because I will never trust you with that much of me. Not again.”
Carnon flinched, as if I’d struck a blow, and I forced myself to turn away. “Goodnight, your Majesty.”
I stormed from the room and slammed the door as loudly as I could, trying to escape from the messiness of the night and the Demon King and my own feelings.
Akela, who had made himself scarce through our interlude, was waiting for me in the hallway. He whined softly, as if sensing my discomfort, and I had the overwhelming urge to throw my arms around him and take comfort from his warm, furry body.
As if he somehow knew what I was thinking, the huge wolf padded over to me, nudging my hands until I gave in and sank to the floor, holding him around the neck. I felt something like sorrow and understanding and sympathy from the wolf, but it must have been my imagination.
“Thank you,” I croaked, sitting back to look up into his big yellow eyes. He tilted his head, and again, I had the strange sense that he was communicating with me, this time telling me that it would all be right in the end. I shook my head, confused. I must have had far more wine than I’d thought. With a little whine, Akela nudged me toward the stairs and escorted me to Carnon’s room, where I felt certain I wouldn’t sleep a wink.
Chapter 13
Carnon wasn’t in the room when I awoke, nor was breakfast. I scowled, having gotten used to food and coffee appearing magically on the table in this room for the past few mornings. I wondered if Carnon had even slept in here.
I forced myself up to bathe and dress, stomach rumbling in protest at the lack of bacon, and decided to head down to the kitchens myself. I knew the way passably, and Akela was with me if I got lost. He had slept on what I thought of as Carnon’s side of the bed, curled up through the night in case I needed protection.
“Do you like bacon?” I asked, scratching his furry neck. He huffed happily, and I got the distinct impression that he did. “Let’s go find some.”
I had thrown on some of the soft, leather trousers the dressmaker had made me, a flowy blouse and embroidered bodice completing the ensemble. With my hair braided back inelegantly, I was certain I didn’t look anything like the betrothed of the Demon King, but no one was around to judge me anyway. The whole palace was eerily quiet, and I started to feel uneasy as I descended its many floors.
Pierre was in the kitchen, frying something over the stove that crackled and smelled heavenly. His tail, which ended in a little tuft, flicked back and forth irritably, and his antlers stuck out from his head in a tangle of horns. He had dark skin and wore a white jacket rolled up to his elbows, revealing brawny arms with scars from what looked to be numerous burns. I wondered which court he was from, although the tail suggested Beasts.
The rest of the kitchen staff that had been bustling about the other day were also mysteriously absent.
“Where is everyone?” I asked, making Pierre yelp and almost drop the whole pan.
“My Lady,” Pierre breathed, putting the pan down with one hand and the other to his heart. “You nearly made me drop the crepes.”
“I’m so sorry,” I said, wincing and sitting at the giant countertop that filled the center of the kitchen. “Drop the whats?”
“The crepes,” Pierre said again, looking at me in shock. “Don’t tell me you’ve never had one?”
I shook my head, smiling at his horror over my lack of culinary education as he bustled around fetching things from all over.
