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“What changed?” he repeated. “Not that I’m protesting, but in the dining room, you swore that this wouldn’t be happening again.” He gestured to the bed with the hand that had been counting freckles. “And I’m fairly certain that not two days ago you would have been screaming about unnatural demonic justice after watching me rip out a male’s throat. What changed?”
“I don’t know,” I lied, pursing my lips as I tilted my head up to rest my chin on his chest. “I just…” I shrugged, shaking my head and pressing my forehead against his tattooed bicep. Strangely, I didn’t want to lie, but I also wasn’t ready to confess what I knew yet.
He tilted my chin back up gently with his free hand, forcing me to look at him. “I’m sorry, Elara. For the lies. For everything. For having to act the monster to appease my court, and for destroying the chance to build real trust between us. But if you’ll let me, I will gladly grovel in the same manner as tonight for a few hundred years until you have thoroughly accepted my apology.” He kissed me on the nose again, and to my utter mortification, a tear slid down my cheek at his words. He brushed it away with a thumb, frowning at me. “Gods, don’t cry.”
“I’m fine,” I said, wiping my face with my hand and nestling against him so he couldn’t see the others that followed. “I’m just tired.”
“Then sleep,” he said after a minute of hesitation, wrapping his arms more tightly around me as I rested my head on his broad shoulder. I knew he didn’t believe me, but he didn’t push me, and I was grateful for it.
He stroked my hair gently, running his fingers over my scalp in soothing lines as I contemplated the truth: that Iwasfine. Better than fine in his arms. That I felt whole. And that terrified me.
Chapter 17
“Is this just how it’s going to be on horses now?” Carnon teased after an hour of tense silence between us the next day. His arm was around my waist again, a steadying warmth that made me somehow both relaxed and nervous. “I’m guessing this is the part where you tell me last night was a mistake?”
“No,” I said quickly, twisting in the saddle to look back at him. His brows were raised, waiting for more of an explanation. I let out a frustrated sigh.
“Truth for truth,” he said gently, sliding a warm hand across the bare skin beneath my shirt. I had left it untucked, possibly on purpose in case he decided to do exactly this. “This is my new favorite shirt, by the way,” he said, amusement lacing his voice as goosebumps raced across my skin where he touched me. “Now tell me what you’re feeling.”
“You first,” I said, trying to relax as he stroked soothing lines across my stomach.
He chuckled darkly behind me. “I’m not sure you want my thoughts right now, Red,” he said. “They’re decidedly dirty.”
“Not your thoughts,” I corrected. “Your feelings.”
He sighed a little wistfully behind me. “Truthfully, I’m terrified you’re going to tell me you regret it,” he said, flattening his palm against my skin and tugging me a little closer.
“I don't regret it,” I confessed. “But I am conflicted. I feel like Ishouldregret it. That I should be pushing you away. That I should be worrying about Mama and focusing on rescuing her, rather than whatever this is with you. But I’m also tired of fighting what I want.”
“And what is it you want?” he asked, mouth coming close to my ear and sending a shiver down my side.
“You,” I admitted. “This. At least until I leave.”
Carnon seemed to stiffen behind me. “Let’s focus on whatever this is,” he suggested. “And forget about the leaving part for now.”
“Carnon,” I said, my sigh interrupted as he tilted my head and planted a quick kiss on the corner of my mouth. “We have a bargain,” I pointed out, pulling his hand away from my stomach and holding it palm up, the red line of our agreement there plain as day.
“I haven’t forgotten,” he said, fisting his hand. “And I promise, we are going to find your mother.”
Akela whined, as if he understood our discussion and felt torn between us, and I sighed again.
“Just for now,” I agreed.
The rest of the journey passed in slightly less tense silence. Carnon occasionally pointed out landmarks or sights of interest to me, but I was too wrapped up in my own head to ask him any of my thousands of questions I still had about demons and his realm.
“Look,” he said, pointing up as the sun had begun to set. We had entered a thick, green forest about an hour before this, and at first I couldn’t see anything besides the trees, shrubs, and vines. It took several moments for my eyes to adjust, and a gasp left me when I finally saw what he had been pointing to. “Welcome to the Court of Beasts,” Carnon said as I gazed at the treetop city. “And the Sacred City of Cernunnos.”
Twinkling lights were set high in the canopy, illuminating the paths of interconnected bridges and platforms that made up what appeared to be a city in the trees. I gazed in wonder as Carnon rode a little deeper into the woods, finally stopping when the platforms above were so densely connected I couldn’t see the tops of the trees anymore.
Cerridwen met us at a ground level stable, throwing her arms around me in greeting. Her feathery appendages curled around me in warm welcome, and she hugged her brother with the same warmth.
“I hope you’re not afraid of heights,” Cerridwen said, instructing another winged demon to take care of our horse. Akela joined us, padding along silently next to me, and I wondered how we were going to make it into the trees with a giant wolf in tow.
“We have two choices,” Carnon said, turning to me with faint amusement on his face. “Climbing or flying. I’ve seen you climb, Red, so I’m going to strongly suggest the latter.”
“I don’t suppose you have wings hidden somewhere that you’ve lied about?” I asked, sticking out my tongue at him. He laughed.
“Sadly, only Cerridwen was blessed with wings in our family,” he said, giving his sister a rueful glance. “The Goddess decided I was already too impressive without them.” Cerridwen scoffed, and Carnon grinned. “Anyway, I’m not worried aboutme, Red. It’s you who barely managed to scale a tree even with a leshy bearing down on you.”
