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“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, the sting of hurt pricking that warm something inside me for just a moment.
Carnon sighed, scrubbing his face with his hands. “I almost did, several times,” he confessed. “That night when I first showed you my magic. And again in the dining room. But I knew you would fight it, and…” he broke off, looking strangely resigned.
“And what?” I pushed, the bowl of stew sitting forgotten in my lap.
He swallowed, looking unusually vulnerable. “And I didn’t want to get hurt,” he sighed. “When you rejected me.” He sighed again, flopping back onto the bed and resting an arm over his eyes, as if he couldn’t look at me during this confession. “I should have told you last night. I was just so damn grateful to be back in your bed that I didn’t want to lose you again.”
I placed my half-finished bowl of stew on the tray and moved to lie down beside him, resting my arms and chin on his broad chest. He moved his arm away from his face, looking at me with disbelief.
“You’re not running,” he pointed out, his hand moving to my hair. He ran his fingers through the copper strands. “Why are you not running?”
“Do you want me to run?” I asked, trying to adopt some of his usual nonchalance.
He chuckled, and a part of me uncoiled in relief. I hadn’t realized that I was concerned he would pull away, too.
“Only if you let me chase you, Red,” he purred, his hand moving to my jaw so he could stroke my cheek.
“Maybe another night,” I suggested with a light kiss to his chest. “I’m too tired for any more of your particular brand of appetizer tonight.”
He laughed, and the sting of pain returned when I saw a tear leak out of one eye. Relief, I realized. I brushed it away, and he grasped my fingers in his, gently kissing each knuckle.
“That’s how you accept the bond, by the way,” he said, giving me a sidelong look. “In the Court of Beasts. The mated pair chases each other, and whoever catches the other first does the claiming.”
“That sounds the opposite of romantic,” I said flatly, imagining a sweaty run through the Bloodwood followed by a very prickly claiming on the forest floor. “Think of where all those leaves could end up.”
“It’s mostly symbolic,” he laughed. “Nowadays couples always decide in advance who will do the chasing and the catching. It’s all planned out, and it doesn’t happen if one partner doesn’t accept.”
“Is that an option?” I asked more seriously, testing his promise of truth. “To not accept your mate?”
Carnon stiffened and nodded, eyes holding mine. “No one can force you.”
“Not even the Demon King?” I asked, keeping my gaze locked with his. It felt strangely important to me how he answered, and I held my breath as I waited for his response.
He shook his head. “I cannot, and I would not,” he said, pressing his lips to my knuckles again.
“You told me our betrothal was binding,” I accused, giving him a skeptical look. “Another lie?”
“More of an embellishment,” he admitted, looking apologetic. “There’s no way to break the mating Pull. It’s decided by the Goddess, and will be there whether or not you accept me. Forever. But itisyour choice to accept.”
“This Pull,” I said slowly, trying to wrap my head around it. “That’s how you knew I was your mate? Is that why you were looking for me?”
Carnon nodded slowly, biting his lip. The sight of that elongated canine did things to me it certainly shouldn’t, and I forced myself to focus.
“It’s hard to explain,” he replied, shifting a little to look at me more fully. “Like I said, Akela was certain. I was in the Bloodwood that day because he insisted he had found you. My mate. Most demons are always looking for their mates, the other halves of their souls, but it was particularly important for me. Accepting the bond strengthens your magic, and my position is somewhat precarious, especially with Blood and Shadow. Anyway, I wasn’t certain he was right until the rusalka. But I can tell you feel it too. An intractable urge to be near me, yes?”
He said this without his usual smugness or self-assurance. In his mind it was simply a fact to be acknowledged, and I supposed there wasn’t a point in lying about it now. I nodded, and he sighed deeply.
“If you want to walk away, Elara,” he said, eyes meeting mine again with viper-like intensity, “I won’t keep you here. I’ll dissolve the blood bargain now, if you ask me. It will kill me to watch you leave, but I’ll do it, even if it means pining after you for centuries.”
“Why?” I asked, feeling my heart thump a little harder in my chest.
“You know why,” he replied, his gaze boring into mine.
I thought I did know, but something in me rebelled at the idea of hearing it, of him saying the words and making it real. Real meant messy and confusing and more truth than I was ready for. I rolled off him, sitting up to clear the tray off the bed.
“Where are you going?” he asked, raising his head on one hand and trying to sound and look unworried. The slight quiver in his voice betrayed his panic, and my heart broke a little hearing it. I didn’t know that I was ready for all that Carnon wanted, but I did know that it was time to accept I wouldn’t be running away from him.
“I’m tired,” I said, dropping the blanket and climbing naked into the bed, squirming down beneath the soft blankets and patting the empty space next to me. “Hold me?”
