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Such a gentle side to his personality, yet it completed him. I loved this part of him too.
“Come.” He reached around me and took his own coffee. “Outside.”
Smiling, I followed, trying not to let my cup shake on the saucer.
The two-yard-wide verandah out the back of the house ran along outside the kitchen, one story up with stairs, on the left, going down to the back yard. We’d not come out here for the whole month the capture fantasy had run its course. Too public, I guess. The view out across the cliff and the sea was stunning, though. I had a small table and two chairs and we sat opposite each other for a minute or two, sipping coffee and exchanging small talk.
The sea was calm. The cockatoos in the nearby trees were loud. The sky, strangely enough, was blue. Then we fell silent again.
I was nervous but I managed to only play with a strand of my hair, curling it round and round my finger while he observed – sitting like some sort of Buddha made into an accountant with delicious short blond hair.
Waiting…watching. Silent. His eyes had washed to light gray in the sunlight.
“Fuck.” I frowned. “Say something.”
“No.” He leaned in and captured my hair-twirling hand, brought it down to the table and trapped it there under his. “You made this happen. You start, Jodie. You must have thought this through? Explain.”
Explain. It had been easy when I was by myself. Take a breath, explain.
“I accept that you’re worried you’ll hurt me.” I nodded a few times. “Moghul told me what happened.” I checked his expression but he was merely absorbing my words like a sponge. “But that was in the heat of the moment. I feel like this separation is some weird sort of penance. Punishing us both for one problem is wrong, unnecessary, and…fuck.” I bent my head and shoved my hand over my mouth for a second, scowling down at table. “Fuck, this hurts us both. Please, please, let us be together.”
Unblinking, he stared at me. “Jodie…” He shook his head.
I barreled on, unable to stop my spiel. I had to let this all out or I’d burst. “Okay, so we won’t play without Kat for a while. But we can live together. We’ll just set boundaries. No S and m activities.”
“Maybe you’re right. Penance? Maybe I am doing this as penance.” He paused a long time as if thinking, then his mouth twisted. “Do you have any idea how tempting it is when I have you naked?”
I smirked. “Perhaps. But after you heard how I’d lied, you didn’t spank me, and I’m sure I tempted you.”
His eyes fired up. “Yes, you did.”
“See.”
“But you weren’t naked.”
“Close. I don’t have underwear on.” Smiling, I stuck out my tongue tip, touching my upper lip. Then I laughed. “You should see the look on your face.”
“That’s because the idea of you sitting there without panties has given me an instant hard-on.”
“Mmm.” My smile widened. “Back on track, though. We can make love without you doing S and m. I know it.”
“You do?” He sat back a little. “And you think after all I’ve done to you that I’ll be satisfied with only making love?” His voice trailed off.
“Yes?” I squeaked. Was he saying what I thought he was? That he couldn’t do this? Again, tears threatened. I was fragile as butterfly in a hurricane. Another word, the wrong one, and I would cry.
Slowly, he shook his head.
“Oh.” I coughed, desperate to hold back those tears. My hand trembled under his.
The coffee cup in front of him was empty. One last gesture. I wanted to do this. To wash it. Then perhaps it would be best if he went. I’d be sad, but I could bear this.
“Let me wash your cup.” Washing the dishes for him had become a symbol to me, of submission. I looked at him. “Let me? I need to do this.”
His eyes shone. “No.”
“Please?” This time tears welled in my eyes. I moved to reach for the cup but he restrained my hand under his.
“Shh. It’s going to be okay. No, I won’t be satisfied with only making love. Not after having you as my slave. Jodie, you should know how much I liked that – making you my slave. If we were together, I would want that again.” His eyes did those small movements as if he were double-checking my expression. His next question ground out harshly. “Would you accept that?”
