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That what I did wasn’t illegal. Because she couldn’t handle it if I went to jail. That it wasn’t dangerous. Because she would die if I got hurt or god forbid, killed. And that I didn’t have someone else. Because that would kill her.
I lied, of course. On two of the three things at least. I looked into her eyes and swore she had nothing to worry about. I had no choice. When I promised her that there was no one else, that was the truth.
There could never be anyone else. God knows I can’t even fathom the thought of another woman. That part is true and always will be. But on the other two promises, I broke the cardinal rule, the one I gave her and made her swear to always follow, no matter what.
Never lie.
I fucking suck.
I shake away the thought, knowing there’s not much I can do about it right now. It’s what I do and keeping her with me trumped me telling the truth at that moment. Every night I lie in bed and try to figure out my way out of the corner into which I’ve painted myself, but the solution still eludes.
Me: Hi, Babybear. Daddy’s thinking about you. George will be there soon to hang out with you and stay over. The guest suite is all ready for him.
There’s a long pause and the seconds feel like forever before my phone dings and her reply pops up.
Her: Hi back, Daddybear. Yes, he texted me. Told me to set up Risk and he will bring me spicy Churches chicken strips as soon as the store opens. He says he’s waiting outside. ??
Me: That’s fine. Since you had Lucky Charms for middle of the night breakfast, I guess chicken strips before noon are acceptable. Take it easy on him. Last game you nearly made him cry.
Her: LOL Daddybear. You funny. He needs to man up.
Me: True. Now, later I want you to eat something healthy, okay? And only one soda with your chicken. Your vitamins are in the case, baby, take them now if you haven’t already.
Her: Yes, Daddy. *eye roll*
Me: Watch yourself, BBB. You know what disrespect will earn you.
Her: Cookies and spankings? *giggle* Promises, promises, DB.
I can’t help but smile. My punishment spankings are a double-edged sword. She’s my little pain in the butt sometimes, and I admit giving a spanking as a punishment is quickly losing its intended disciplinary purpose.
Me: I have many other less appealing punishments than putting you over my knee, little one. Don’t push it.
Her: Yes, DB, I know. I love you, my King.
She knows how to defuse me as quickly as she can get herself into trouble and calling me her King is a sure way to make this hard ass’s heart melt.
Me: I love you too. You have no idea how much. Okay, Daddy has to work. I’ll message you as I can but you know I won’t be able to as much as usual. Send me all your messages, I’ll read them when I’m able. I want to know everything you’re doing. All about your day. And don’t forget shower pictures. And I want a video of you playing with the new toy I left under your pillow later tonight when you go to bed.
Her: Oh, DB! A new toy? Can I go see it now?
Me: What did I say?
Long pause then finally her answer.
Her: You said tonight, Daddybear.
Me. That’s my goodgirl. Okay, I’ll message you when I can. Mind your rules and make me proud.
Her: Yes, Daddy. xoxoxo
Me: Bye for now, my love.
Under me the plane jerks and begins rolling forward and I shift my attention back to the stack of papers in front of me. This job is particularly complicated and from what I gather the client is a grade-A asshole, but the pay is consummate with the difficulty of the job.
“How’s it looking?” Sarah steps to my side and I glance up to see the years of knowing concern in her eyes.
She stands barely to my shoulders and always has her Morticia Adams black hair pulled back in a severe bun. She wears clothes fit for a runway and I pay her well enough to keep her clothing and shoe addiction well fed.
I don’t mind, she’s on call for me 24/7 and rarely speaks of a personal life outside of taking care of her own ailing and aging parents.
Over the years there have been occasions when she’s mentioned a date here and there, and in some ways I wish she would find someone to suit her, but on the other hand I couldn’t imagine not having her full attention when and where it is required to keep my own dangerous business on the rails.
She’s attractive, but our relationship is strictly professional and neither of us have ever shown any interest otherwise.
