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I nodded as he stood like a brick wall, cemented to the floor, impermeable and unwavering, as his blue eyes pierced the space between us.
“Shit’s not been quite right with us for a while and we both know it. So, I’m gonna tell you how things are going to change. It’s that simple. I’m not a man that flip-flops back and forth over shit. You fucked up, no sugar-coating that. But, I’m still here and we can move on. I’ve been holding back some things as well and that’s my fault. I take full responsibility for this mess because that’s what men do. They step up.”
He shifted slightly and the light from the window made me squint. His brow was furrowed, and his jaw muscles tensed. Whatever this was, he wasn’t kidding.
“I’m a simple guy and I fucking love you. I knew I loved you that day in the park, I told you that. I’d fucking die for you baby. I’d kill for you. You run so deep in my veins that sometimes I’m not sure if I’m still me. I’m half you and it’s fucking hard. You broke our trust yesterday and that’s when I knew it was time. I’ve been holding this back and I need to let you know how things are gonna be from here on out.”
He paused, swallowing, the tendons in his neck standing out.
“Okay.” I wanted him to know I was listening as my heart threatened to fracture into a million tiny pieces and fall all over the floor.
“Men in my family love one woman and they love her like fire consumes tinder. One hundred percent, no looking back. As far back as I know, my dad, his dad, my uncles, that’s how it’s been. But that also means we take care of our women. And maybe it’s not exactly what most relationships are like, but it’s how we cherish our girls. Completely and utterly, giving you everything you need, including things that might not make sense to you right away like punishment when you’ve earned it. I’ll always be fair, I’ll never strike you in anger. But, you break the rules from here on out and you get punished. You need to be able to count on me. You need to know you have solid ground under your feet. That I’m a man of my word.”
“I’m… not sure I understand. Like, punished? What does that mean? I’m not a fucking child, Adam.” I knew even as I said it how stupid it must sound after how I acted yesterday but that injured, defensive little girl inside me was still ready for a fight.
Adam ignored my protest, drew a breath through his nose and continued.
“Like I said, this is how it’s gonna be. I’ll love you until my body stops pumping blood and I draw my last breath. But, what I’m not gonna do is stand here and tell you I’m not who you see. You’re not gonna change me into someone else. I’m gonna put my goddamn dirty dish in the sink if I feel like it. I’m not going to help you pick out curtains. I could give a shit about that. If it’s important to you, I get it and I’ll let you do it and I’ll fucking pay for it and tell you they’re fucking perfect. But, don’t ever try to turn me into some version of your best girlfriend ‘cause that ain’t who I am and you know it.”
The caveman was at full throttle, and I should have railed against it. I should have walked out and told him he was being unfair.
But I didn’t.
Because the truth was, every word made me gooier and calmer. I felt safe. I felt loved. I felt needed.
I nodded. “I understand.”
“And, yeah, you’re gonna get punished,” he went on, as if my agreement was entirely expected. “That could mean you get a spanking, or something else. There’s lots of punishments, but the one thing I’ll promise you is it will always be for your own good and never in anger. Also, when you’re around the house, you’re going to be my good girl. You’re gonna wear what I say, do as I say. You can always ask for what you want but I get the final say. Maybe I’ll stick a pacifier in that bratty mouth of yours while I turn you over my knee. And you’ll call me Daddy while I do it. I’ll give you a bath, enforce a bedtime if I see fit.”
“Wait, did you just say to call you Daddy?” It felt like I’d just taken a fist to my belly.
“Yep, put that pout away,” He snapped his tongue over his teeth. “I said, Daddy. Non-negotiable. It’s how it’s gonna be.” His eyes were dead serious. “Daddy, pacifier, baths, bedtime, spankings, babygirl, the whole deal. You’re never going to be loved like I’m going to love you, Angel, and I know you know that. Do you love me, baby? Do you love me enough to let me take care of you?”
