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I look down at my phone and try to form a clear thought but my head feels hazy all of a sudden.
Daddy: Baby, did you forget something?
Me: I’m sorry. I forgot.
Daddy: I’m sorry? I forgot? That’s it? Hmmm, not what I need to hear, little girl.
Me: I’m sorry, Daddy, Sir. I got to the store and was excited and I forgot.
Daddy: Better. Now send me some pics.
Me: I’m in the ladies room right now. Had a wave of sickness.
Daddy: You need me to come, baby?
For a second I think about that. He’d be here in an instant if I just told him. He’d get me away from here and I’d never have to see this woman again. But something tugs at me, call it compassion or sentiment or the stupid little girl inside. Whatever it is, I want to hear her out.
Besides, I’ve just lied to him. Told him I’m somewhere I’m not.
Me: No. I’m okay. Just taking a minute, Daddy. You need to do your work. I’ll just take my time. Love you.
Daddy: Okay, Babybear. Love you too. Send me pics when you can.
Me: XOXOXOXOXO
As I listen to her voice, I’m not even sure why I didn’t just tell him where I was and ask him to come and get me. I hate that she still has control over me even after all these years.
But I plan on wrapping this up and getting myself back to the store in the next five minutes. I’m done here.
“I’m sorry, mom. I don’t know what you’re really after, but I can’t. I just can’t.” Even as the words leave my lips, that little girl deep down wants to give her what she wants. Wants to be what she needs.
“Don’t be like that.” Her tone hardens. “You put me through hell leaving like you did. The worry. The sleepless nights. I just need a fresh start. We’re family, Stephanie. We always will be, whether you like it or not. You don’t turn your back on family.”
Stas’s words echo in hers as I stare at the shell of a woman across from me. She’s been beat down not only by her own parents, but by the man she married. Now I know why, but it doesn’t make it hurt less that they treated me like I was the cause of every misery in their life. Doesn’t forgive her for allowing everything that happened to me. Being an accessory to it all.
“It’s Ginger now, and Stas is my family. Whatever you were, whatever this is, it’s not family. It’s a mess. Even now, you can’t tell me the truth. What is it? Is there some further clause in the will that I don’t know about? Something that you need me for to get access to a few extra dollars? Well, I won’t do it. I won’t be taken in by your lies…your…”
Suddenly my head feels light and I lose the train of thought. I look down at her face and in a moment of clarity I see it. I was right. Somehow I hit on the truth while I ranted. She doesn’t care about me, all she cares about is that stupid will and the conditions my asshole grandfather wrote in.
“Leave. Me. Alone.” I’m on my feet, arms crossed, waiting for her to take the hint.
Dizziness overtakes me in the next moment and the coffee shop looks like it’s full of steam, only the clouds aren’t out there, they’re in here. In my head.
My mom is on her feet, taking my arm.
“You don’t look good, Stephanie.” She says the words loudly. An act for everyone else in the place.
Things begin to spin, and I try to say something but my lips are too heavy.
“Let’s get you to the car. Let your mother take care of you. Your father is waiting.”
The last thing I see before dropping into the back seat of the car is Calfus, my father, smiling down at me.
20
Stas
“Fuck.” I bark as I call her phone one more time and this time it goes directly to voicemail.
I’m on my feet in an instant, tapping my phone to punch up the ‘find me’ app I installed on her phone, along with the other tracking app I have embedded in the bracelet I gave her the day we got home from the cabin.
The tightness in my gut turns to abject fear when I see the phone blip is stationary yet the blip on the tracker is moving down Sullivan Avenue toward the freeway. And fast.
“What the hell is going on, baby?” I grit out as I charge to my car, drop into the driver’s seat and hit the ignition button.
As soon as the garage door is high enough for the roof of the car to clear, I’m peeling out and down the driveway toward Sullivan Avenue and the blip.
