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Hadn’t we?
My chest hurt, and there was an uncomfortable lump in my throat. If I truly cared about him, I’d be supportive. I’d want him to succeed.
And I did. I wanted him to be happy, and if moving onward and upward made him happy, I’d be the first one to encourage it. Even if it meant feeling a little bit… or a lot bit… sorry for myself.
I ordered a much stronger drink and threw it back quickly. By the time Dawson returned to the table, I was on my third cocktail, and everyone’s faces had gotten a little fuzzy around the edges.
“What’d I miss?” Dawson asked as he slid back into the seat next to mine.
“Big news,” I said with my best effort at a smile.
Dawson looked at me expectantly. “What?”
Why was he looking at me like that? “What, what?”
“You said big news.”
Had I said that? “Oh, huh. Forgot.” My memory wasn’t as good when I filled it with gin.
“We’re going to Colorado this summer,” someone shouted. “To put on a show for Finn Heller. That’s the news.”
Someone murmured about wishing they could put on a private show for Finn Heller. For some reason, this struck me as very funny, and I began to giggle. Dawson grinned at me.
“You’re drunk.”
“Only like… fifty-five percent,” I said, calculating it as best I could.
“I like it.” His eyes got that intense look they sometimes got when he looked at me. I liked it.
I liked him.
“I need you to know I’m happy you’re leaving,” I said proudly. I could be supportive. I’d supportive the shit out of him.
Dawson’s smile dimmed. “What?”
“The show. It’s a good thing. You leaving, I mean. That’s good. I support that. It’s for the best.”
His eyes flicked to a few of the others sitting close to us before looking back at me. “You want me to leave the show?”
I nodded emphatically. “Absolutely. Of course I do.” I beamed at him. Look at me being supportive. “And I’m sure they’ll find someone awesome to play Lucky, so you don’t have to worry about that. I’ll kiss someone else. And that’ll be… that’ll be… great.”
Dawson’s eyes narrowed, and his nostrils flared. “Is that right?”
I nodded again, but it made my head spin a little. “Yeah. Right. Great.”
“You want someone else to play Lucky?”
I slapped a hand to my chest. “Are you kidding? No fucking way. But someone else has to, right? So hopefully they’ll be a good kisser.” That only made sense, really. “I wouldn’t want a fish mouth.”
Dawson’s jaw tightened. “What’s happening right now? I don’t understand what you’re saying. You wish I wasn’t in the cast of our show?”
“No! God no. Of course I don’t want you in the cast… I mean, of course I do want you in the cast. Of our show. Well, not your show anymore. Mostly mine.” I remembered everyone else sitting around us in the loud bar and waved my hand in their general direction. “And theirs, obvi.”
Dawson looked past me at Kota. “What’s he talking about?”
“Your show, man. The new role at Pillow Talk. Congrats.”
Dawson dropped his face into his hands before pressing his fingers into his eyebrows and looking up at me. “Babe. Jem. I didn’t take the role.”
I blinked at him. “You didn’t get it? I’m sorry.”
He shook his head. “No, I got it. I got the role.”
For some reason, hearing him say it out loud hit me the wrong way. Or maybe it was the gin and tonic.
I burst into tears right there in front of everyone, proving that my sister wasn’t the only one who had trouble communicating with the man she loved. But at least she didn’t melt down in front of an audience.
10
DAWSON
I stared at Jem as he began crying in front of everyone. “I didn’t take it,” I said quickly. “I got the role but didn’t accept it. And now I can’t fucking figure out what you want or how you feel about this. Are you happy I’m not leaving or disappointed I’m not leaving? Did you want me to stay or go?”
Was he upset because he’d had too much to drink, or was he truly upset I hadn’t taken the job?
At first, I didn’t notice our friends quiet down around us. I was focused only on Jem. His tears were twisting my gut. I didn’t want him to be upset, especially if it was about something in my control.
“I want you to be happy,” he said, swiping roughly at his eyes. “I want you to be… happy.”
I took his hands in mine and held them tightly. “I am. Don’t you see? I’m so fucking happy, I don’t want to leave the show. I love it here with you… with them,” I said, nodding at the cast and crew surrounding us. Some of them let out little aww sounds. “But I want you to be happy too.”
