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Every last part of me breaks, and I turn back to Sawyer, giving him another soft kiss before stepping out of his arms. He holds onto my hand for as long as he possibly can before I move too far away and our hands fall down to our sides.
Crossing the dining room, I catch my reflection in the floor-to-ceiling windows and stop, taking myself in. I look like a bride in this dress, and it’s almost funny. This gown for the ritual is supposed to signify my purity, my innocence, the same way a wedding dress would, and yet the occasions are so vastly different.
I hate it.
There’s no doubt that the dress is beautiful, hauntingly beautiful in fact, but what it represents terrifies me. Though I suppose it doesn’t matter. In two short hours, I’ll be dead and all of this will be nothing but a painful memory to those I’m leaving behind.
Taking a shaky breath, I push through the door and step out into the night, my heart heavy as Easton glances back over his shoulder. His gaze trails over the dress, taking it all in, and for a moment, I’m wondering if he’s seeing me as the bride he’ll never have.
“How do I look?” I question, the soft night breeze blowing my hair back behind me.
He turns to face me properly, walking right into me and pulling me into his warm arms. “Like a fucking nightmare,” he tells me, his fingers lifting my chin and bringing his lips to mine. He kisses me deeply, filled with passion, love, and fire, but there’s also an intense sadness that acts as a constant reminder of exactly what I’m losing tonight.
His lips move against mine when a pained sob tears from the back of my throat, cutting our kiss short, and he pulls me hard into him, his bruising hold crushing the breath out of my lungs. The pain tears at me, and before I know it, Easton and I are crumbling to the ground, his face buried in the curve of my neck.
“Don’t think about the pain,” he tells me, agony thick in his tone. “It’ll burn at first, and you’ll scream to the point of spitting up blood, but Zade will make it quick. He won’t draw this out. Once the adrenaline hits, it will quickly morph into a dull ache, and with any luck, you’ll pass out before he cracks your ribs to reach your heart.”
“Easton,” I whisper, my lips trembling.
“No,” he says, cutting me off. “You need to be prepared, Oakley. I know you’re fucking terrified. Hell, I’m terrified for you, but I don’t want you going in blind. These are your final moments, and I need to know that when your life is slipping away from me, when I lose you, you’re going to be brave and prepared. That you’ll leave this world with your head held high. Every eye of The Circle is going to be on you, and when they are, I want you to be strong and not allow them to see you fall apart.”
I nod, but that’s not enough for him, and he takes my face in his hand, staring right into my eyes. “Promise me, Oakley. Promise you won’t let them see you fall apart.”
“I promise,” I tell him. “Even in death, I’m going to stick it to those old bastards.”
“That’s my girl,” he murmurs, brushing his thumbs across my cheeks and wiping away the lingering tears.
Soaking in the warmth of his hold, I meet his haunted stare. “I want you to fall in love, Easton. Sawyer and Dalton, I know they’ll be okay. It’ll hurt for a while, but eventually they’ll be able to move on and find their new version of happiness, but I worry about you. Your heart has always been so closed off, so terrified to let anybody in, and I don’t want that for you. I can’t stomach the idea of you never finding someone to spend the rest of your life with.”
“I did, Pretty,” he murmurs, brushing his knuckles down the side of my face. “I found you, and I know we didn’t get forever, but we got a little while, and having you for just a little while is better than never having you at all. I’m not about to throw that away to find some other girl. I’ll be okay, Oakley. I gave my heart to you, and it will always be yours.”
Letting out a breath, I drop my forehead to his and hold onto him a moment longer when Zade steps out into the night, regret shining in his dark eyes. “I’m sorry, Lamb. We need to go.”
Undeniable fear blasts through my chest as Easton scoops his arms beneath me and lifts us both to our feet. My whole body shakes, and as the tears stream from my eyes, Zade takes my hand and pulls me into his chest. “I’ve got you, Oakley,” he tells me. “I’m not going to let you go.”
