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Nothing stopped my nightmares.
And by dawn, I was rinsed clean enough to face another day without my heart.
*
One year, six months...
*
“Seni seviyorum, Ayla.” I blew bubbles on my daughter’s neck as she flounced around in the bathtub. “Do you know what that means? It means I love you. Daddy would say that to you if he were here. He’d also say sen küçük bir baliksin, tipki annen gibi, which means you’re a little fish...just like me.”
She squealed and splashed, her busy little fists snatching up a wind-up clownfish as it flapped around in the bathwater.
“Another language lesson?” Teddy stuck his head into the steamy silver-tiled bathroom, depositing a fresh towel on the lid of the toilet. “She said her first word yet?”
“Nope.”
“Do you want it to be Turkish or English?”
“Either.” I shrugged. “She’s going to be bilingual, so whichever comes first is fine.”
“You’re turning me bilingual.” Teddy grinned. “This entire household will switch between two languages as if we’re natives.”
“That’s my hope.” I gave him a smile that I hoped hid all my heartbreak. “I want her to know him...even if he’s not here.”
“Ah, Nee.” Crossing his arms, Teddy leaned against the doorframe. “She knows. And he knows. Wherever he is, he’s watching both of you.”
I sniffed and changed the subject. I’d become a master at that now. “Go on. Lesson time for you. Say something.”
He frowned in concentration, finally stumbling over vowels and accents. “Biraz türkçe konusabiliyorum.” (I can speak Turkish a little bit).
I now understood how difficult it would’ve been for Aslan to hear me butchering his tongue. I wasn’t fluent yet, but my ear had matured enough to know when the pronunciation was right or wrong. “Hey, that’s really good.”
“I have a good teacher. Between you and Anna with her apps, I’ll be a pro.”
“Talking about me in Turkish again?” Eddie appeared, smacking a kiss on his husband’s cheek. “I’ve been learning too. See... ailemi seviyorum.” (I love my family).
My heart stopped.
Anger feathered through me for a split second.
This family was missing a significant part.
Teddy flicked me a glance, hearing my quick inhale. Cocking his head and pursing his lips in apology, he wrapped his arm around Eddie and announced, “I have good news for you both. That Kickstarter you started last month, Neri? It’s already hit the target. We have enough to start building a prototype.”
“Oh wow, really?” Eddie blinked before shooting me a glance. “You know I mean I love our family, including the ghost that haunts us, right, Nee?”
“I know.” I ran my fingers through Ayla’s damp dark hair. “Sorry...I thought I’d stop being this...raw.”
“You can be as raw as you want for as long as you want.” Eddie blew me a kiss. “But right now, I need to know more about this prototype. Were my sketches approved by the local council as a dwelling?”
Teddy frowned. “Well, seeing as there’s no such thing as a council for undersea living, I’m guessing the further along we get with Lunamare, the more red tape we’re going to have to bulldoze through, but for now, we’ve sourced glass thick enough to withstand pressure up to twenty metres. We’ve found marine-grade steel that can last a hundred years without losing its structural integrity and have almost figured out the sealing complications. Our spheres will look more like Frankenstein decagons, but it will do. We need to get something into the water so we can start figuring out filtration and air flow.”
The two men looked at me as I grabbed the towel, wrapped it around my daughter, and hoisted her from the tub. “You ready to hustle up some more money, Nee?” Teddy asked.
I frowned. “I thought you just said—”
“I said we had enough for the preliminary builds, but we need somewhere to test.”
“I figured we’d rent the local pool. My parents’ one isn’t deep enough.”
“I don’t want to risk people seeing what we’re doing, even if it’s the local minnow swimming school. I want to test at any time of the day.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I want to build a pool. In our back garden. And not just any pool but one with at least a five-metre bottom.”
“You’re crazy. No one will approve that.” I laughed as I dried Ayla, kissing her cute little nose as she pressed her damp hands against my cheeks. “Seni seviyorum,” I murmured, determined to scribe those words on her tiny, perfect heart.
“No laughing, woman. Make it happen.” Teddy winked, grabbed Eddie’s hand, and dragged him down the corridor. His voice trailed back. “Come join us after you’ve put your little moonbeam to bed. It’s time we got this show on the road!”
*
One year, eleven months...
*
“Bloody hell, it’s so deep it’s giving me vertigo.” Honey clung to my arm as we stood at the edge of the almost completed swimming pool. We’d gotten planning permission to add a pool into Eddie and Teddy’s back garden, but...we hadn’t been exactly truthful on how deep it was.
