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“But?” I glanced at the paperwork.
The adoption paperwork.
My head snapped up. “Wait, you want to adopt her?”
“We want to give you peace of mind that if you ever decide to go...looking for him, or if anything happens to you, that your little moonbeam will be safe. She has us for life, that’s an absolute given. But we wanted to give you the chance to make it official if you feel any way as if...you’re not truly our family.” Teddy reached across the table and took my hand. “I see the way you sometimes look at us, Nee. I see the loss in your eyes, and I hate that we have each other and you have a broken heart, but...you are one of us. Eddie and I might be married, but there are three of us in this relationship. I need you to know that. You are not a third wheel. And neither is Aslan’s daughter.”
Tears stung, then welled.
The fact that I’d just been thinking that we were outsiders sent goosebumps down my spine.
“We know his name is on her birth certificate. We know you changed yours to Avci last year. We aren’t trying to replace him, Nee. We’re just...we just wanted to give you peace of mind that she has us forever. Just like you do.”
I stood and went around the table. Teddy shoved his chair back, and I sat on his lap. My knees touched Eddie’s as he turned to face us, and I sat enveloped by two of the best men alive.
I studied both of them.
I set aside my own need to keep Ayla fatherless because no one else would ever compare.
I tried to see what would be best for her.
Honey and Billy were her godparents. Mum and Dad would raise her in a heartbeat if anything ever happened to me. But Teddy and Eddie...they were different.
They saw more than anyone else because they saw me every day.
They know...
Brushing my hair back, Teddy whispered so not even the evening shadows could hear, “We see you sneaking out at three in the morning, Nee. We know you go swimming. We know you’re searching for meaning. And we know that one day, you might not be able to stop yourself from getting on a plane and returning to Turkey. The adoption papers are our vow to you. Our vow that you can do what you need to do and always know that Ayla is safe. You can be free to find your own happiness.”
Eddie cupped my cheek, his hazel eyes far too intense. “If there comes a day when existing isn’t enough, at least you know she’s taken care of.”
I nodded and wiped away my tears. “Thank you. Both of you. You know she’s yours and I would never take her away from you. You will be a part of her life until she’s married and becomes a mother to her own children, but...I also hope you can understand why I can’t sign.”
Teddy gave me a smile.
Eddie smirked. “We knew that would be your answer but wanted to offer anyway.”
“I’m grateful. Truly. Ayla is so lucky to have you. I’m so lucky to have you. But for now...she belongs to Aslan.”
Perhaps one day, I would sign those papers.
Maybe one day, I would turn my back on this life and become terribly selfish.
But for now, Ayla belonged to a ghost.
And while she only had one official parent, it kept me firmly rooted in reality. I would never jeopardise her future or her life. I would never run away or put my needs first.
If she had two legal fathers...the temptation to be selfish might break me.
I might hunt Cem Kara.
I might let loose all those monsters in my soul. Those bloodthirsty, savage beasts ready to claw, tear, and destroy.
I might do whatever it took to learn, once and for all, if I was delusional...
*
Four years...
*
“Everything looks perfectly normal, Ms. Avci.” The cardiologist looked up from studying my ECG and echocardiogram.
I still flinched when addressed with Aslan’s last name. I couldn’t take it through marriage, so I’d changed it the only other way I could.
By choice.
“I can’t see why you would be suffering intermittent palpitations. Your bloods are fine. You’re fit, healthy, and young.” His bushy white eyebrows knitted together. His tanned skin at odds with the health warnings to ‘slip, slop, slap’. “You say you have no idea what triggers them? No particular foods or stresses?”
I folded my hands in my lap, fighting off impatience, all while burning up inside for answers.
I’d hoped.
I’d truly hoped that there’d be some magical diagnosis that my strangely skipping heart at three in the morning wasn’t because of biology but spirituality.
Because of him.
I had no history of heart issues.
My lineage of family were all healthy and still mostly alive—minus my dad’s parents who died in a car accident. My mum’s parents lived in Bali after retiring there twenty years ago, and my mother’s brother regularly ran in charity marathons down in Brisbane.
