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“Wait.” I choked as she rocked her hips, fucking me with intoxicating rhythm. “Stop. Just...let me say this.”
She sat heavily on my lap, her arms thrown over my shoulders, her fingers knotted in my hair. Her gorgeous eyes met mine, and I reached up to cup her cheek.
“What? What is it?” she breathed. Her inner muscles fisted me, keeping me locked inside her.
Joined by body, mind, and soul, I murmured, “You know I’ve always struggled with letting go. You called me out on being sad in the past and begged me to get help to somehow be free of my ghosts. I wasn’t able to back then because...I didn’t feel safe. I was living in a country that wasn’t my own and loving a girl I wasn’t allowed to keep. I now know there are two types of trauma: physical and emotional. And I’ve lived most of my life trapped by both. The wanting you but knowing I wasn’t in a position to keep you? That was a direct threat to my life, just like the storm, the shipwreck, and everything that Cem did to me.
“My body has been through hell, canim, but so has my heart. I’m not going to deny that. I’m sure there will be days where I will miss my leg and I will remember all the moments that I wish I could forget...but...that is where my pain ends, Neri. I don’t know how to explain it any better than that. Whatever trauma I’ve endured is finally over. Everything that worried me before is gone. I have money. I’m legal. I have the ability to go home to Turkey without the fear of being slaughtered. And...I have you.”
“You have me forever.” She kissed me.
I kissed her back, then pulled away.
Catching her stare, I murmured, “You made my world a thousand times better when my life was temporary. You kept me present even though being present is what made me afraid. My mind wanted to find happiness, but in a way, I suppose I disconnected. I put barriers up because I’d already lost so much and I wouldn’t survive losing you. But...then that happened. The worst thing imaginable happened, and I spent five fucking awful years missing you.
“But...I survived. The physical pain is forgotten. What he took from me is forgiven. My past is in the past, and my future?” I cupped her breast, grazing my thumb over her pebbled nipple. “Well, I’ve never looked forward to something so much. I’ve never been more connected to life because it’s my life, and no one can take it from me again.”
I clenched my stomach muscles, sending my cock twitching inside her. “I’m connected to you, Neri. Body and heart. I’m safe now. I’m anchored. It’s like I’m finally waking up from a nightmare that no longer has any hold on me.”
I arched up and kissed her.
I licked her.
Nipped her.
Then I pulled away and breathed, “I need you to trust that I’m okay. I’m not lying. I’m not pretending. I’m truly, honestly okay. I’m okay because I’m safe. I no longer need to run or hide. Cem taught me that I can survive anything. I’m strong enough. I’m powerful enough, and that sense of safety within me is astounding. It’s liberating. It’s utterly freeing. So fucking freeing that I can say, here and now, you don’t need to worry about me. Because for the first time in my life, I mean that word. Those four little letters that are used so blasély.”
Flipping her onto her back, I pinned her against the bed and thrust. “I’m okay.” I drove in deep. “I’m okay.” I increased my pace and fed her every inch. “I’m going to be okay for the rest of my life.”
Her hands landed on my cheeks, holding me above her as I thrust and claimed her. She didn’t speak for the longest moment. Her eyes flaring with passion every time I rode her. But then tears welled and rolled from the corners of her eyes, soaking into the sea-scented pillow beneath her.
“Tamam, Aslan. Tamam.” (Okay, Aslan. Okay).
Our mouths locked.
Our tongues danced.
And when we came, we tasted true, endless happiness.
Chapter Fifty-Two
*
Aslan
*
(Heart in Spanish: Corazón)
THAT FIRST MORNING BACK IN AUSTRALIA WAS spent in a borrowed pair of shorts and a pale green t-shirt—courtesy of Teddy (slightly too tight but gratefully received)—and the four-hundred-dollar bottle of champagne went well with fresh strawberries, pancakes, and copious amounts of whipped cream, thanks to Ayla being in charge.
Jack and Anna joined us.
The table outside barely held all of us as we spent the day talking, drinking, eating, and soaking in the fact that things were exactly as they should be.
Neri helped me tell a heavily redacted tale of abuse and imprisonment, revealing my leg and scars. I brushed over how I’d been able to return to Australia and had no doubt questions would come once the shock of my miraculous appearance wore off. By then, I would have a better story. One that would keep my new job a secret and protect everyone.
