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His head rose and he looked at me briefly. “What do you want?” he demanded.
“You couldn’t pass him,” I said. “Why did you try?”
“To run him off the fucking track, that’s why,” he spat. “Too bad he didn’t slam into a wall. That would have been nice.”
“And it’s clear that’s what you had in mind.”
“If you’re here to give me a lecture, don’t bother. Maybe you should go comfort Carlton. He’s the one who needs you. The two of you can cry over the race with champagne and caviar.”
The statement was a stab to the heart. “Why would I do that?” I said, my hands trembling.
“What the fuck were you doing in his motorhome?”
So he really had misinterpreted what was going on with Blake, at least on my end. Seeing me exit the motorhome had set him off more than I’d thought. I wanted to reach out to him, but I knew I would be immediately rejected. “I was there to confront him,” I said in a level voice. “He’d conned me into bringing up all that shit with you. I wish I hadn’t fallen for it.”
“And you played right into his hands.”
Veins bulged in his forehead as if he were ready to explode. I was frustrated. “At leastIdidn’t try to kill him.” I regretted the comment the moment it left my lips.
“That’s it, out!” he screamed. His outburst scared me. I jumped back in surprise as he rose and pushed me toward the door.
“Devin, please, let’s talk about this,” I said, pushing him back. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry, but we have to talk!”
“No,” he said, still unceremoniously ushering me to the door.
“Stop it,” I screamed, shoving him back and away from me. “I’m not leaving like this!”
He was gritting his teeth, and the lines around his mouth deepened. “Luna, what do you want from me?” he asked evenly, despite his appearance.
“I want you to accept my apology,” I said, fighting back tears. “I want you to know how sorry I am, and I want to talk this through. I shouldn’t have let Blake pressure me into digging up your past, but I also want to understand your side of things. I trust you, Devin, and I need you to know that. I need us to be able totalkabout this stuff! And if I leave here and you are still angry with me, I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“Is that some sort of threat?”
“What?” I asked, confused. “No, why would it be a threat?” He gave me a pointed look and it came back to me—the moment I’d confided in him, the moment I’d trusted him most. I’d once tried to take my own life, and Devin was the only person I’d ever told.
I brought one hand to my face, covering my mouth. “Oh my God, not like that. I just want you to know that I love you like I’ve never loved someone before. This relationship isn’t easy for me because I haven’t exactly had a bevy of boyfriends knocking down my door. I have no reference points. Maybe I’m making a lot of mistakes, and I’m sorry. Hearing you so casually dismiss your former girlfriend like that scared me, okay? I still want to talk about it. But I don’t want to lose you.” There. I’d said all I was going to say. I put on my sunglasses to cover my tear-filled eyes. “I just wanted you to know that.”
I opened the door and walked out into the bright sunshine. There was a photographer with his camera pointed in my face. I pushed it away and left the Russo pits.
* * *
Rafe was forced to retire from the race with only six laps to go when his gearbox blew. He didn’t seem all that bothered by it, though, since he’d dropped to fifteenth place. So much for a promising weekend.
I briefed him on the events following Devin’s altercation with Carlton as we drove back to the hotel. Instead of scolding me for my behavior, he listened intently and offered me some kind words, which shocked me.
“He was angry. I’m sure he will come around.”
“I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’ve most likely lost him. Maybe it’s for the best.” If only I really believed that. “How am I going to continue working with Perez if I see him all the time? It will only be a reminder of how stupid I was.”
Rafe wagged his finger at me. “First of all, you don’t know that any of that is going to happen. Second, I don’t think you did anything wrong. You might have just approached it the wrong way. I think you deserved to know a little about his history with women, especially one he should have taken some responsibility with. If that bothers him so much, too bad for him.”
“Do I really deserve to know all that? Did you tell Eva about your history?”
“Shewasmy history,” Rafe said, knowing that piece of information wasn’t comforting to me. “As for your relationship with Flynn, I’m sure it’s not over. He’ll be angry about it for a little while, and then it will pass. Like all things, when it comes to Flynn.”
“And how do you know that?”
“I just know. I’m your big brother. I’m smart.”
