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With trembling fingers, I began to type.
I care about you deeply, and our time together has meant the world to me, but I’m not in a place where I can take things further. I can’t join you on any more adventures.
With a deep breath, I hit ‘send,’ feeling both a pang of sadness and an unexpected sense of relief.
“Done,” I whisper to myself, my voice barely audible.
I spent so much time trying to escape the pain of my past with Steffen, constantly searching for something—or someone—to fill the void he’d left behind.
Then Alec appeared. He showed me there’s more to life than surviving; there was love, laughter, and adventure waiting around every corner. But in the end, my happiness will never be found in a man.
I need to find my peace within.
Although, my heart’s heavy moving on from Alec, there’s a lightness to my step. A sense of power that I’m in charge of my happiness.
The crisp morning air fills my lungs and fills me with a surge of determination. For the first time in my life, I’m ready to face my unresolved trauma head-on.
And since I’m as tenacious as a bulldog, there’s no doubt I’m going to succeed.
“Let’s do this.” I head out to the curb, intent on a nice long, cleansing walk. One step at a time. With my head down, I’m focused and determined.
One step turns into two, but then I walk into a mountain of muscle. Mouth agape, my heart pounds in my chest.
Alec towers head and shoulders above me and his angry expression sends a chill down my spine. His face is hard, the muscles in his jaw twitching as he glares daggers at me.
“What the fuck is this, love?” he demands, thrusting his phone toward me.
I gaze down and see the message I sent on the screen. The words jump out at me as if they’ve been printed in bold.
My legs threaten to give out underneath me, but I somehow manage to remain standing. “It’s—it’s what I felt was right,” I say quietly.
Alec takes a deep breath and stares off into the distance for a few moments before turning back to me with softer eyes than before. “You’re right—you should do what feels right for you.” He pauses, then adds, “But don’t forget, this is what you want. Not me. I care about you, and I always will.”
With my head reeling, he pulls me into an embrace, holding me tightly until finally he breaks away and steps back with a sad smile on his lips. He puts his finger under my chin and lifts my head so that our eyes meet one last time before he turns and walks away without another word or glance backward.
As Alec disappears around the corner of the street, tears prick my eyes—tears not only of sadness, but also of strength and courage for making such a difficult, but necessary, decision. This is supposed to be a step on my journey toward self-discovery and healing, but my heart tells me I’ve made the worst mistake of my life.
When I race after Alec, turning the corner of the street, there’s absolutely no sign of him. And for the next few weeks, he doesn’t participate in Bravo team’s 24/7 protection. I took the hottest relationship of my life and doused it with cold water; effectively killing it.
I hate myself.
But I’m not the only one moping around. Something’s up with Kaye, something she won’t tell me, and as the summer wears on, my concern for her grows.
SIXTEEN
Barbi
Weeks passand summer drones on. I’m in a funk because my gut tells me I made the wrong choice. The warm summer days seem to stretch on without an end in sight. There’s nothing to keep me busy. All I do is mope around the townhouse, trying to stay busy and keep my mind off my decision to end things with Alec.
The wrong decision.
After another sleepless night of twisting and turning in the sheets, I wake to the sound of the doorbell ringing and stumble out of bed, groggy and confused. I haven’t been sleeping much lately; too many sleepless nights spent thinking about Alec and my regrets over ending things with him.
I squint at the clock—it’s too fucking early. Who would be coming by this early in the morning?
Zeb’s on duty. He spent last night on the couch after Kaye came home late, yet again. The tension between them is at an all-time high. A palpable force, even I find myself tiptoeing when the two of them are in the same room.
I sigh and shake my head. Frankly, I don’t get it. They’re obviously made for each other—why dance around their attraction?
