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“Goddammit!” I toss the phone onto the bed, sitting up slowly and rubbing my temples to ease the pounding in my head. The nausea is worse now.
Nausea… constant queasiness every morning… and not only when I get threatening calls.
I realize with a sinking feeling that it’s not from fear or stress.
I’ve never felt like this before, though I’ve heard about it. What woman hasn’t? The signs are all too familiar – the dizziness, the queasiness. My period is late. I clench my jaw, doing the math in my head. It’s been over a month since that first night with Anton when I let my guard down for one foolish moment. The timing’s about right.
I swallow hard when the realization dawns on me.
Shit.
I should have known better. Should have anticipated that the stupid morning-after pill wouldn’t be foolproof. Nothing’s ever 100% effective, I guess. But I can’t afford a child in a life like mine; not now, not ever.
Groaning, I swing my legs off the bed and stare down at my small burner phone, which feels like it’s staring back at me accusingly.
I have to get rid of it. These things can be traced. I’ve known that from the start – it’s why I haven’t dared reach out to any of the old crew through all of this. But the thought of being anywhere without some kind of lifeline didn’t sit well with me. Fat lot of good that did me. I didn’t use it to get out of this mess, and now it’s led Cartwright’s bastards to me anyhow.
And not just me.
Nikolai!
What if they come back here to kill me and he gets caught in the crossfire? The kid’s so damn innocent. And after all that he’s been through… I’d never forgive myself if anything happened to him because of me.
No.
Anton would never allow anything to happen to his son. Whatever I might feel about the man, I don’t doubt that he’s more than capable of defending his own.
Would he defend me too?
I scoff as I shrug away the thought. There’s no loyalty between us. I’m just the nanny.
The nanny he fucks.
Well, not anymore, dammit! The last time was just that…the last time. I huff out a breath, still staring at the phone.
Before I can think twice, I grab the thing and smash it on the floor, watching as the screen shatters. The light fades away and I stare blankly at the dead device for a moment.
Is that enough?
I wish I knew more about these things. But I’m pretty sure that if I flush it, there’ll be no chance it’ll ever send any sort of signal again.
“You’ll probably block the damn pipes, you idiot!” I tell myself.
Tough!
I head to the bathroom, dump the remains of the phone in the toilet and flush repeatedly. Somehow, the small thing disappears in a swirl of water. I stare for what feels like a lifetime, waiting for it to bob back up. It doesn’t.
Heaving out a breath, I turn and sit on the seat, dropping my face into my hands as I take a much-needed pee.
This is a freaking disaster!
I’ve never been the kind of woman to let her guard down so easily. And now to be facing this… I inhale, then exhale deeply as my mind races, trying to figure out what to do next. I need a new phone, for sure, but just as importantly, I need to get my hands on a pregnancy test. I won’t allow myself to panic until I have a clearer answer to this thing.
Trouble is…how the hell am I going to get hold of one? It’s not like I could put it on the list of supplies that Luka picks up in town each week.
And there’s no way in hell that Anton’s going to let me off the property.
I have to figure a way out of there, though. Even if I don’t use it as an opportunity to escape, I can’t sit around here waiting to find out if my life’s about to turn upside down.
