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“Well, the road trip was one of them actually,” I start tentatively, trying to shake off how childish I feel when Bridget is making me feel anything but. I exhale and then finally just start listing items off the top of my head. “Get a tattoo, skydive, fly in a plane—”
“Wait,” Bridget interrupts and laughs. “Are you saying you’ve never stepped foot on a plane, but skydiving came first on your list?”
I shrug my shoulders.
“That’s amazing, I’m obsessed with you now,” she says in jest, flashing a smile while propping her chin in her hand, face tilting to the side, her elbow on her knee. “What else?”
“Um…” I mutter while I try to think quickly. “Singing at a karaoke.”
“Oh my god,” Bridget breathes out quickly, her hand flashing out to grab my forearm. “Honey, that one is doable.” Her blue eyes widening in excitement.
“Doable?” I repeat, suddenly feeling nervous all over again.
“Yeah,” she giggles. Letting me go, she leans backward, laying both palms flat behind her, holding up her weight. “Don’t you want to cross some of these off your list if the opportunity arises?”
My stomach drops picturing myself on stage singing in front of a crowd, but a tingle simultaneously zips through my veins at the thought of doing something so bold.
I nod. “I guess you’re right.” I give her a shaky smile, but it widens the more I let the idea blossom inside of me.
“Great!” she says while clapping her hands in conspiratorial excitement. “I happen to know just the place. We can go tonight, and we can bring our boys too.”
“To—tonight?” I stutter as I watch her stand up.
She looks down at where I am still sitting and props her hands on her hips. “Yeah, carpe diem and all that right?”
I am not sure what any of that means, but I nod my head anyway, refusing to back down now. “You bet!” I say, trying to match her excitement.
She pauses and then giggles. “Perfect.” She swings around and begins to walk away, yelling over her shoulder, “I’ll come by your room later tonight!”
Watching her disappear into the building, I have not moved an inch for what feels like minutes, replaying the interaction I just had with Bridget. My smile drops when I realize I will have to tell Bastian what I agreed to do, especially because I managed to rope him into it.
My gaze swings to our rooms, and I find him sitting outside, staring directly at me. My first instinct is to wave but decide against it. Instead, I unclench my grip off of the notebook still in my hands and place it beside me. Bastian has not taken his eyes off me. I pretend I’m unbothered while I take my clothes off, revealing my black swimsuit underneath, and walk into the water via the built-in cement stairs of the pool.
I wish he would join me, but I know better. He’s been acting distant ever since we got here. More aloof than usual that is. I know it probably has something to do with whatever is happening between us.
Maybe it should bother me more than it does. But I find myself not really caring what he’s thinking or feeling about all this. As long as our little deal is still on the table. Maybe it makes me selfish, but for once in my life, I want to be free to simplytake, instead of always giving.
20
An hour later, I find Bastian sitting at the small desk in his room. It’s where he has been spending most of his time since we have been staying at Casa Kismet. I do not bother asking what he’s doing, he will only give me a vague response about algorithms that I will pretend to understand but ultimately will not. All I know is that what he does is illegal and most likely dangerous. My stomach turns, remembering how he told me he’s been shot multiple times before. Suddenly, the urge to smooth my hand over his skin and find every single one of his scars throbs under my fingertips. I stay unmoving for a few too many seconds lost in the vision.
Hearing the chair creak in the otherwise silent room, I snap my eyes up to meet Bastian’s gaze, his dark eyebrows slightly furrowed but otherwise intently fixed on me. The silence pulses between us as usual. This time, I welcome it. Like a language where the foreign dips and valleys of its vowels are now becoming familiar, or a soothing melody I find myself humming when I let my mind aimlessly drift.
“So I met someone,” I say off-handedly.
I notice Bastian’s shoulders straighten, his body infinitesimally growing rigid.
“Bridget,” I quickly add as I walk further into his room, sitting on the edge of his bed. And then for more context, “The owner’s girlfriend.” His body does not relax, but his eyes soften, so I continue, trying to get to the point as quickly as possible, practically tripping over every word as they stumble out of my mouth. “So, uh, we were talking near the pool and I told her about this bucket list I have and that, well, that one of the items was singing at a karaoke, and then she told me she knew a place and that we should all go tonight.”
This time, the silence that follows is not as comfortable as before, as I anxiously wait for Bastian to say something.
“A bucket list?” His voice, while carrying its usual flatness, finally pierces through the thick fog between us, his expression darkening which leaves me slightly perplexed.
Thinking he would have focused on the fact I made plans for us without telling him first, I am left surprised that he is focusing on my trivial list instead.
A small dry laugh escapes my lips before I answer him. “I know it is—it’s silly, it’s nothing really. Just… just something—”
“You’ve been keeping secrets from me, Luce?” Bastian says slowly while he stands up and comes to stand right in front of me, my eyes tracking his movements while my head tilts slowly upwards the closer he gets.
