AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Biting my lip bloody, I stare at it, then finally open it. Slowly, I take its contents out one by one. A blackened spoon. A white cotton ball. A syringe. A shoelace. And finally, an old beer cap. The few syringes, and whatever else is still left in the box, rattle around as I push it off to the side, surveying the layout I just made.
No one can quite understand the rush of this ritual more than an ex-junkie.
I haven’t bought heroin in over fifteen years, and still, the very act of lining everything up makes my mouth water and my brain tingle. The sweet promise of obliviated bliss.
At first, I kept the box as proof that I could control the addiction, the spoils of my victory. But now I wonder if I always knew, deep down, that I would fail. That I’d always be this weak.
It doesn’t take that much longer for me to pick up the phone and make the call.
42
The cement surrounding the pool burns the soles of my bare feet from the mid-afternoon sun as I reach Lenix’s sunlounger. I’ve been visiting a lot more often than usual, unwilling to be left alone with my own thoughts.
She has a soft pink bikini on and I catch a glimpse of a surprised look behind her large sunglasses at the black one-piece swimsuit I’ve chosen to wear, but she says nothing. I realize that she’s still used to seeing me covering up with a loose t-shirt and basketball shorts. It dawns on me how much the road trip, no matter how it ended, has overall been a blessing.
It certainly helped me to get out of my own way.
But now the most influential person is refusing to talk to me ever since we landed back in Noxport. I don’t know what I did wrong.
Maybe all my worrying was for something, after all.
I didn’t matter in the end—not like I thought I did.
I settle into the chair beside her, gathering my hair into a messy bun to stave off the heat.
She doesn’t even wait half a second to jump right into it.
“Connor told me he saw Bastian at a meeting yesterday,” Lenix mumbles while lighting a joint. “Haveyoutalked to him?”
My heart squeezes painfully and I let out a long sigh. “I don’t want to talk about it today,” I answer a little too mournfully.
She hums, taking a drag, and says, “Sounds like day drinking to me.”
I can’t help but let out a small laugh, and nod. “Sounds about right,” I say while gesturing for her to pass me the joint.
Her mouth falls in mock shock, pulling her sunglasses down her nose as if taking a better look at me. “Lucy Lincoln,” she says slowly while still handing me the joint. “What have you done with my sister?”
I smile, pulling the smoke into my lungs and then exhaling. “I’ve smoked with you before,” I reply playfully.
She lets out a small scoff. “Once. And only because I coerced you,” she says with a laugh and then turns more thoughtful. “It’s not just that though, you just—you just feel changed. More self-assured. Like you’re not constantly second-guessing yourself like before.” She pauses and looks at me more intently. “Whathappenedon the road?”
The subject is veering a little too close to what I already established I was ignoring today but after a long beat I answer her anyway. “I think it was just time for me to find myself.”
“And did you?” she asks while taking the joint back.
“I think so.”
I know my smile is most likely morose but I hope it still conveys the accomplishment I feel.
She gives me a similar smile, squeezing my hand three times.
“I’m so proud of you,” she says, her voice cracking. But then her demeanor changes before I even have time to answer, her mouth falling open on an excited inhale, eyebrows raising up from underneath her sunglasses. “We should go out dancing!” she says sitting upright. “Tonight—to celebrate. I can dress you up all cute and sexy and do your makeup.” She gives her hands a few quick happy claps, and then adds, “I mean only if you want to.”
I’d take any form of distraction right about now if it meant keeping my brooding thoughts at bay. Especially if it means spending time with my sister.
I smile wide, and nod. “I would love to.”
* * *
