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By his tone, he knew full well he’d never told me. “No.”
Now I wondered why he hadn’t.
“I’ve never felt more helpless than the day she went missing.I wanted to beinthe water, searching. From that day onward, I knew I wanted to be someone whocouldhelp if something like that happened again. I’d have done anything to bring your mom back to you, Maggie.”
Tears filled my eyes.
He ran his finger along the edge of the table. “I still dream about that day sometimes. In my dream, I do go in the water.”
“And do you find her?” I asked, my heart in my throat.
“I see her, and I keep swimming, trying to reach her. I’m always so close, so close, and she sees me, and this is the strangest part: she smiles—she smiles so big, like the way she did that time she found us playing in mud when we were little and joined us.”
A tear slid down my face. In my mind, I could see that smile so easily.
“She stretches her hand out to me, and I stretch my hand out to her, and there are manta rays gliding all around, and when our hands finally clasp tightly, I always jolt awake.”
I said softly, “Did you save many people in your Coast Guard days?”
“My fair share.”
Emotion clogged my throat. “My mama would be happy to know that.”
“I think she does know it somehow.”
I was suddenly ashamed of my sixteen-year-old self who wanted nothing more than to squash his dreams of saving others so he could stay with me. I had been so blinded by the fear of losing him that I couldn’t see the good he could do. I wanted to apologize, to beg his forgiveness, but I could feel the emotion, like a boulder on my chest, and didn’t trust myself to talk about it without bursting into tears. Finally, I squeaked out, “Why did you decide to retire so young if you loved your job?”
Yes, he’d completed the required twenty years of service to retire, but he could’ve stayed in the service well into his sixties if he’d wanted.
“There were a couple of reasons. One was a training accident. I was knocked out and thrown in the water.”
My heart pounded, my palms dampened. It was what I’d been so afraid of.
“I was lucky. Damn lucky. I was found and pulled out quickly. When I came to, alive and fairly well, I instantly knew I wasn’t where I belonged. Not anymore. When you look death in the eyes, you start seeing life a lot clearer.”
I shuddered, thinking for a moment of him lifeless in the water. But he’d survived. He’dsurvived. My chest ached as I asked, “Where was it you belonged?”
“Here. In Driftwood.”
“But what about saving people?”
He said, hesitantly, “I’ve been thinking about forming a search-and-rescue group based out of Driftwood, partnering with the fire department.”
Realization hit. “The boat?”
He smiled. “The boat. I’m sure there are a million hoops to jump through, but I think I’m up for the challenge. There’s no group like that around here, and the police and fire departments don’t have the water-rescue training or the equipment needed. They’re already stretched so thin that it would be impossible for them to get it.” He watched me closely. “How would you feel about that?”
My emotions cracked open and tears filled my eyes. He was talking about working on the water again. About risking his life. To save others, I reminded myself sharply. He would behelpingpeople.
“I know it’s asking a lot of you,” he added.
In my head, I heard Estrelle, warning me about my fears. I curled my hands into fists. “That would be incredible. There are too many senseless drownings every year.”
I’d learn to live with him being out on the water. Learn to live with the danger. Because loving him was worth the fear that came along with it.
“You’d really be okay with it? Because if not, just say the word and I’ll let the idea go.”
“I was told I need to start letting go of some of my fears. This seems a perfect opportunity.” I tore the edge of my napkin and looked at him, studying the planes of his face, those blue eyes. “Does this mean you’re done with the bakery?”
