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“Cil—”
“Gavan’s okay, Eilish.” He frowns. “It was only a small heart attack—”
“I’m sorry,what?!” I blurt loudly, my eyes flying wide open as I struggle to sit up.
Neve snores, shifting in her sleep before quieting again.
“A fuckingwhat?” I hiss, softer this time.
He smirks, shaking his head. “He had a neurotoxin in his system that was gradually slowing his heart to the point it was about to fail. Apparently, he jabbed himself withthreehits of adrenaline, which took his heart from slowing to a stop to beating about as fast as Usain Bolt running a race on crystal meth.”
My face pales in horror. Cillian smiles as he reaches over and takes my hand in his comfortingly.
“But now, like I said, he’s fine. He’shere, resting, just like you.”
“I want to see—”
“I know you do.” Cillian frowns. “And you will, in just a minute. But…” His jaw grinds as he sucks on his teeth. “I want to talk to you first,” he says gently.
“About?”
His eyes meet mine. “About what happened. With Svetlana, I mean,” he adds quietly, squeezing my hand.
My throat bobs.
“I never in a thousand years wanted that for you.”
“What?”
His eyes fill with sadness. “To take a life.”
Something flickers between my eyes and his. I know what Cillian is. And I know, or at least I have a good idea about, the things he’s done.
Does.
I draw in a slow breath. “She was going to kill him,” I say quietly. “And probably me, too.”
Cillian nods slowly, his eyes still locked on mine. “How does that make you feel?”
I know how itshouldmake me feel. Horrified, maybe. Or full of self-loathing. Or consumed by fear and anxiety to the point of a panic attack. But I don’t feel any of those things.
Honestly, I don’t feel anything at all when I replay the moment when the gun exploded in my hand and that woman’s eyes went dim.
“I’m fine,” I say easily.
It’s the truth. She was going to kill Gavan. There is zero part of me that wouldn’t do it again.
Cillian nods as my brows furrow.
I’m fine. Wait—
“Does that make me…”
“Me?” he mutters, an amused smirk on his lips.
I blush. “That’s not what I was going to say.”
“No, but you were thinking it. I understand. Genetics, and all.”
