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Me
Excuse me?
Eilish
Sorry.
Me
That’s better.
Eilish
Did that text not come through before? I said “no”.
Then she sends me a fuckingwinky facewith its motherfucking tongue poking out. I glare at the little yellow emoji and imagine ripping that fucking tongue right out of its mouth.
Me
I think you might have forgotten the nature of our arrangement. I want you at my house, naked, on all fours on my living room floor, in twenty minutes.
Eilish
I can’t tonight.
What the fuck.
Me
Once again, I’m not sure if you’re remembering our arrangement. Be there in twenty or there will be consequences.
Eilish
LOL. Liek what?
Ruh-row. The tyrant is madddd! Watch out, wrld!
I frown. Her spelling is off. And she’s never “goofy” like this, either in person or over text. Suddenly, it clicks.
Me
Are you drunk?
Eilish
None of ur beeswax. I’m not a surgeon and I’m not on call.
I glare at the screen.
Me
Where are you.
Eilish
night night mister grumpy pants
Me
