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“I’m going to get him a friend. He needs a friend.”
“That’s a great idea! Everyone should have someone,” I agree happily.
He nods. “I don’t want us to be over.”
Those words are like getting too close to a firework. Scary and kind of wonderful. “Us?” It’s so weird and wild and wonderfully amazing to say that word. Us. I didn’t know there was an us.
“Are we not…I…did you really mean the no-strings-attached?”
“I wanted to. I did. But I don’t know. I…I don’t think… If that’s what we both want, but I don’t think either of us wants that at all. I don’t want to leave. I’ll miss you. And I don’t ever want to hurt you, either. In the future, I mean. It’s preemptive. I…oh my god, I suck at this.” Nervous laughs are annoying, but a giggle bubbles up from my throat anyway. “I don’t want us to be in separate places, wishing things were different when, all the while, they were, but we just couldn’t get it out that we liked each other and were willing to work toward that. Things can be different, but I don’t want you to be different. I like you exactly the way you are, and I hope you like me too.” I feel like it’s such a high school thing to say. So shy sounding and awkward.
I hope you like me too.
Like we’re twelve. Or sixteen. Or here right now. And of course we’re shy. I mean, look at our history.
“I like you,” Thaddius breathes. “I like you, Nina.”
“Good.” Oh my lord, he said helikesme. He said it. I said it. We both said it. It’s out there now. I’m going to stay, and we’re going to give this a shot. It doesn’t matter that it’s the one thing we both said we’d never do. It’s okay to be wrong sometimes, and in all fairness, no one likes doing something they’ve been forced to do. Thaddius isn’t an obligation. He’s not a piece of paper, and he’s not a name out there that will unite with mine because our families say that’s the way it’s going to be. He’s his own person. A wonderful person. “Now that the awkward parts are over, can you please kiss me?”
“Can you please kiss me?” he echoes.
This time, I don’t care that my giggle is way too high-pitched. I don’t care if there are too many sunshine and rainbows in it. And I also don’t care that this step forward might be really batshit crazy. At the center of everything, there’s Thaddius. The man I want. Nothing else really matters all that much.
“Absolutely. I will absolutely kiss you and then some.”
My brain is already short-circuiting long before he leans in. His strong declaration makes me grin, but his hands on my shoulders make me shiver. This isn’t my planned fiancé, the man I wanted to run away from. This is Thaddius, and he might be grumpy sometimes, but it’s okay. Mostly, it’s a front for the sweetness he keeps hidden away.
His lips meet mine, and oh,the sweetness.He angles his mouth and kisses me tenderly, tasting me slowly. My hands glide up the soft plaid of his shoulders and up to the back of his neck. I love touching him here, the tender, undiscovered area that most of the rest of the world doesn’t get to see and certainly no one gets to touch. Right now, it’s mine. He’s mine. And he tastes like joy and goodness, like fresh air, man, and heaven. This is his sunshine. He has a lot of it, too. He just doesn’t know about it yet.
CHAPTER 20
Thaddius
Nina is it. This is it. If there was ever a forever in my vocabulary, she embodies it. She’s beautiful in a floral dress that makes her look so dainty and small because it’s huge on her, but she’s tied the strings at the waist, going for that flowy, boho look, and because she’sher,she can pull it off and still look like a goddess. The only thing better would be taking it off. Which I’m incredibly eager to do.
My cock is straining in my jeans, and my heart is beating wildly, but I keep telling myself it’s going to be okay. I’m not going to panic. Just because I stepped foot into this world again, a world where I give parts of myself to someone else and trust her with them, it’s going to be okay. Nina isn’t going to betray me. She’s not going to pull my heart out and beat it into the ground with those soggy cowboy boots of hers, and she’s not going to use her sneakers, those scary hairy flip-flops, or her bare feet. She’s not going to pull my heart out at all. She doesn’t have a secret agenda. If she wanted to marry me, she could have. And if she wanted my money, she could have had that too. It was preordained, but she fought against it just as hard as I did.
She’s here for me. Just for me.
Well, maybe for the sheep, the donkey, and the chickens too, but she’s here. Shestayed. She waited for me to find the words, and when I didn’t have anything pretty, she got down on her knees too and held me, giving me the connection I needed. The connection I’ve been searching and searching for. She’s always the one who surprises me, but maybe one day I’ll find the perfect surprise for her too. I have a feeling she’ll always appreciate the little things, whether it’s getting another donkey, adopting a puppy for Shaggy to raise and train in guarding the animals and all things dog, a flower picked especially for her or grown just for her, or picnics under that big maple.
Her hands leave the back of my neck and skim down the buttons of my shirt. “You should take this off,” she murmurs as her teeth graze my lower lip.
With a soft groan, my hands find the ties of her dress and tug. They go on forever, but eventually, they unravel, and the fabric billows around her, which makes it easy to pull over her shoulders. The black lace bra that cups her beautiful breasts makes my cock throb harder. I have to kiss her there too. She keeps trying to work the buttons of my shirt free, but her hands keep failing. Instead, she throws her head back and sighs in pleasure as my lips graze over her collarbones and then lower. I reach behind her and remove the bra, sliding it away and replacing it with my hands and mouth. I want to do this for the rest of my life. Not just…not just the physical stuff but everything. Farming, working, laughing, being ridiculous, complaining about my family but coming around to appreciating them anyway, making sunshine jokes, staring into her cornflower blue eyes, and learning all the things that make her happy.
I take my time, tracing her breast with my tongue and learning the exact curve and shape of it before I suckle her nipple into my mouth. She arches against me, panting as I devour her. “Want to taste every inch of your skin,” I tell her raspily.
“You already did that,” she gasps, raking her fingers through my hair.
“Oh, but I’d very much like to do it again. Once isn’t enough, twice isn’t enough, and all the number of times will never be enough for your sweetness. I’m always going to want to taste you on my tongue. I’m always going to want you coming on my face, my fingers, my cock.”
“Holy god. That’s very….” she mutters.
“Romantic?”
“Sensual.”
I run my tongue along the underside of her breast, and she gasps, her body vibrating against mine. Her hips jerk up into me, grinding against my jeans. It’s going to be as hard to hold back as it was the first time, but if that’s my mission, then I’m going to see it through. But not on the carpet. A motel room carpet isn’t the best spot to get fully naked.
