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Having her company and eating breakfast with her had been a glimpse of something I haven’t had in a very long time, something I didn’t realize I could ever want again, but just like that, it’s gone.
Probably for the best.
Thinking there could ever be anything serious between us, especially considering how young she is, was delusional in the first place.
I drag myself up the stairs, peering into the darkened guest room and imagining what I could have possibly done or said to make her feel so uncomfortable that she preferred to sleep in her car.
I must have creeped her out at some point.
Was it cooking breakfast for us? Leaving her alone in the house while I went to my meeting downtown? Or something else?
Maybe my flirting irked her to the point where she doesn't want to be near me anymore, but that hardly seems fair, considering she teased me all night at work. Her sexual innuendos and constant taunts made me believe there was something there that apparently wasn’t.
Now, I’m more confused than ever.
The alpha in me wants to do the right thing and protect her, no matter the cost. It’s in my nature, my blood. She might not be an omega, but she calls to me in a way no woman ever has; not in a fated mate, I’ll die for you way, but strong and pure and true. Clarity in the middle of a storm, something I can ground myself in when the world dissolves into chaos around me.
Maybe those were just hopeful imaginings. Maybe I’ve misread all the signs, misinterpreted her quirkiness as flirting, made a jackass out of myself for attempting to pursue anything.Gods, what am I going to do?
I can apologize, but I’m not sure exactly what I’m apologizing for. She didn’t tell me why she turned me down, and the bullshit excuse she used gave me little clarity. Is she going to stay with someone else tonight? Is that why she didn’t want to come back to my house?
Or does she really prefer that little sardine can of a car to all this space?
I would gladly sleep in her car with her if she asked, if that’s what she preferred. All I want is to know she’s okay, but it seems unprofessional to text her this late at night, even though I’ve memorized the phone number from her file.
I sigh as I kick off my shoes and undress, hardly worried about a shower tonight. I’m exhausted; I can wash my ass in the morning.
I’m a mess, spiraling and attempting to grab at something that makes sense, and I keep coming up short. Whatever is going on in Jessa’s mind, it’s clear I’m not a part of it. I’m just a means to an end, which I can deal with. I can accept that, if she would only say it out loud.
Until that moment, I’ll continue to wonder what I could have done differently, what I could have said. I’ll wonder if this was a mistake from the start, if I had gotten myself in too deep before realizing what was happening.
Oh, but I did realize it.
There’s no denying that. I knew what I was getting myself into, and even though I tried to talk myself out of it, I ran headfirst into it anyway. My brain might have foreseen things going to hell in a handbasket, but my heart wasn’t having any of it.
Now, my heart is the one paying the price, dealing with sore feelings at being tossed aside, almost like being a rejected young alpha.
I guess I’ve been alone for so long, I forgot the sting of heartbreak. I finally dared to care for someone again, and I’m crushed things didn’t turn out the way I’d thought, the way I’d hoped, regardless of how taboo anything between us might have been.
As I close my eyes and slip into sleep, Jessa’s face is the last thing I see, and this time, instead of my cock being buried in her throat, her lips are on mine. It’s slow and sweet, tender and delicious, the way I know she’d be if she ever decided to pursue me.
If she ever wanted to be with me.
I sound like a lovesick schoolboy, but maybe that’s partially true. She brings out a side of me that’s been buried for so long. She makes me feel like a young alpha in love again, passion rushing through me. Now, it feels like the rug has been jerked out from beneath my feet.
I guess I’ll know for sure how she feels if she ignores me tomorrow at work, if she leaves again without saying goodbye, and that’ll have to be enough. I promised her I only wanted to help, but I never promised her I wouldn’t have feelings for her.
Then again, there’s no way I could have foreseen falling for a young, beautiful beta so fast.
* * *
As much as I’d rather stay in bed, the sunrise has me up bright and early, showered, shaved, and ready to take on the day, even though there’s nothing for me to do until the restaurant opens.
I could go to town early and scope for Jessa’s car, but she told me she’d be at the doctor, getting prescriptions filled. She must have waited until she made enough money to cover them, but I wish she’d told me. I would have gladly paid for her to go.
That’s probably exactly why she didn’t tell me.
Jessa is strong, fierce, independent. She doesn’t want or need an alpha providing for her, as much as it’s in my nature to do so.
