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Isat down with my cappuccino made with the fancy coffee machine I got for my birthday. I wanted to cut myself off from my parents and their money, but I wasn’t going to give up my coffee machine. Coffee was practically a religion for me and my Italian heritage.
When the doorbell rang, I considered ignoring it. I was in a shitty mood. My laptop was sitting open on the table, waiting for me to work. I wasn’t getting much done. I needed the work. I wanted the work. It just wasn’t what I expected from Luke when we sat down. I didn’t know why I got it in my head that he would want to talk to me about anything other than work.
When I opened the door, it was to find Izzy holding a bag and wearing a smile. I smelled the doughnuts right away. “Come in,” I said. “I’ve got cappuccino.”
“I wasn’t sure you would be home. I texted you.”
“Sorry, I was working,” I replied.
“Your phone doesn’t work when you’re working?” she asked sarcastically. “It’s fine. You can just tell me you don’t want to talk to me.”
“Stop, it wasn’t that,” I said.
“Is this about your hot lunch date?” she teased.
“It wasn’t a hot lunch date,” I muttered and handed her a cappuccino.
I sat down at the table and pulled a donut from the bag. I took a big bite and savored the sugary, sweet goodness. It was exactly what I needed.
“What happened?” she asked. “I was hoping when you didn’t call me you were embroiled in a passionate love affair.”
I snorted. “Not even close.” My shoulders slumped. “I feel so foolish,” I said, blowing on my cup absentmindedly. “I thought he wanted to talk about us, about our feelings, about maybe having a relationship.”
“I didn’t know it was that serious,” she said gently.
“We’ve been friends forever, but lately, I thought there was something more happening between us. He’s been so attentive, asking about my day, sending me messages. I really thought he wanted something more.”
“And now you don’t think he does?” she asked.
“No.” I shook my head. “I’m so glad I didn’t say anything. That would have been embarrassing.”
“What happened?” she asked.
“All he wanted to talk about was work and our childhood,” I muttered “He didn’t seem interested in me at all. It was so awkward. I don’t know why I thought there could ever be anything. He’s only ever going to see me as a little sister. Is it possible to have too much history?”
“I don’t know,” she answered. “I think it would be beneficial. You know each other well. There’s no worries you won’t get along. He’s your best friend. You have a solid foundation to build a relationship on. That’s important. That’s half the battle of building one.”
“And it’s also a hangup,” I said with a sigh. “We were raised in the same house. I imagine he looks at me like I’m his sister. It’s too weird for him. It’s not like he ever gave me any reason to think his feelings for me had changed. I think I got caught up in Leo’s romance. Luke and I spent a little more time together than usual. I haven’t dated in a while. I think I was lonely. Am lonely. I’m feeling my biological clock ticking away. It was a mistake to think I could just fall back on him.”
“I’m so sorry, Emmy.” She sighed. “That must have been really disappointing.”
“It was,” I said with a sad smile. “But I guess I just had my hopes up too high. I should have realized that he’s just not interested in me in that way. He’s my pal. He’s the guy I can hang out with and eat pizza while drinking wine straight from the bottle. Maybe that’s why he’s not interested. He’s seen me wasted, held my hair while I puked and comforted me when my dad and I got into one fight after another.”
She looked at me thoughtfully. “But have you talked to him about it? Maybe he doesn’t realize that you want something more.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think I can do that, not after how embarrassed I feel. I don’t want to risk ruining our friendship. I thought yesterday was going to be something other than what it was. It was stupid.”
Izzy took a sip of her coffee. “I understand that, but I think you should at least talk to him about how you feel. If he’s a true friend, he’ll understand and want to make sure that you’re both on the same page. Even if he’s not interested in a romantic relationship, I’m guessing he will still want to be friends.”
“I think I need to just hold off on everything,” I said. “I don’t want to make it a thing. It’ll be awkward. Right now, I’m the only one who knows. I’m never going to tell him. I’ll get over it. I don’t want him to know what I’m feeling. He’ll feel bad and will give me a pity date or something. It’s best we leave things as is.”
Before Izzy could say any more, the doorbell rang again. I looked at her and she looked at me. “Are you expecting someone?” she asked.
I shook my head. “I don’t know anyone besides you, Luke, and my parents. I don’t know who else would be coming by.”
She grimaced. “What if it’s your dad?”
I snorted. “Like he would come to my apartment. He would send one of his henchmen.”
