Page 33 of A Childhood Crush


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“I feel so ridiculous,” I said. “The longer I go without talking to him, the worse it is. I don’t know what to say. I would love to pretend we never kissed, but I think that’s pretty impossible. I don’t know how to be around him without looking at his lips or thinking about how good his hard body felt against mine.”

“The best thing to do is to just be honest with him,” she said. “Tell him how you feel and see how he responds. I have a feeling you’re going to find out he feels the same way. The kiss you are talking about doesn’t sound like it just dropped out of nowhere. You describe a lot of passion. That tells me he was feeling something pretty strong.”

“We’ve been friends for so long. I’m freaking out. I’m terrified that crossing the line will destroy our friendship. I have no doubt the sex would be good. It would be explosive. But then what? What if we have sex once and that’s it? If it’s over, it’s over. It would end our friendship. I know it would.”

“But what if the sex is good and your friendship spawns the best relationship you’ve ever had?” she questioned.

“True…” I nodded. “That’s what I would like to believe, but I’m just not sure it would ever work.”

“Why not?”

“Because of all the things I told you before. It’s like we know each other too well. There’s no mystery. Part of the fun of a relationship is getting to know someone. There’s nothing for us to learn. We know each other. All the ups and downs and every dirty little secret.”

“I think that could work to your benefit,” she said. “You know he doesn’t have any dirty little secrets. There are no skeletons in his closet that might come out later. You know who his exes are. You know when he’s lying or upset. I envy you. I wish I would have known all those little things about my ex. It could have saved me a lot of drama.”

“I feel like it’s a double-edged sword.” I sighed. “He’s older, wiser and a lot more experienced. He might think I’m too innocent. I know all the women he’s been with. He knows the few I’ve dated. What if he thinks I’m not enough for him?”

She laughed. “No man is ever going to think that. It’s better to take the risk and find out the truth rather than to wonder what could have been. Just do it.”

“And if he tells me I’m crazy, we could never cross the line?” I asked.

“Then you respect his decision, whatever it may be.” She shrugged. “You go back to being his friend. There’s no shame in having feelings for someone and it’s natural to want to explore those feelings. If he doesn’t, then fine. You still have a friend.”

“I guess I’ll talk to him,” I said. “I kind of have to. I do have a couple of articles to turn in.”

“Good.” She nodded. “Talk to him. It’s going to be okay. No matter what happens, you’ve got me. I might not want to kiss you like he does, but we can still hang out.”

I laughed. “Deal.”

We ate our breakfast and talked about plans to get together soon. After she left, I sat down to check email. I managed to pick up a few more jobs, but I needed more. I had to pay my portion of the bachelorette party retreat. I didn’t want to be the one who didn’t go because I didn’t have the money. I really liked Caroline and the twins. They were fun. It was nice to have girlfriends. I hoped we could get closer.

My phone rang and I saw that it was one of my fellow bridesmaids calling. “Hello,” I answered with a smile.

“Hi, Emmy, this is Julia,” she said. “Are you busy?”

“No,” I answered. “What’s up?”

“Lena and I had an idea for a personalized gift for Caroline, but I was hoping to get your help,” she started.

I felt a mix of excitement and nervousness at the thought of helping out with something so important for the bride-to-be. “Sure!” I answered. “What do you need?”

In the back of my mind, I was seeing dollar signs. It was just another expense I was going to have to pay to be a part of the wedding. I hated that I was so damn broke.

“We wanted to put together a scrapbook with pictures and messages from all of us and people in Caroline’s life to give to her. We would each have to print out some pictures and write a heartfelt message to Caroline. We need to put it into a document and print it out to put in the scrapbook. I have some stuff already. Are you free to come over and pick it up?”

I thought it was a great idea and was happy to help. And it was cheap. It wasn’t anything overly expensive. I could definitely get onboard with that. “Sure,” I replied.

“I’ll text you my address,” she said. “I’ll be home all day.”

“I’ll be there in thirty minutes,” I said.

As we hung up, I felt a wave of excitement wash over me. I was thrilled to be a part of making Caroline’s special day even more memorable. It was a great feeling to know that I could contribute in such a meaningful way to her happiness. And I knew Leo pretty well. I couldn’t wait to pick his brain. It would be like getting my first interview.

I quickly dressed in a pair of jeans and a sweater. I didn’t think I would need my laptop but stuffed a notebook in my purse in case she wanted to pass along information for me. I grabbed my purse and keys and headed out the door. When I punched the address into the GPS, I wasn’t surprised to see she lived in an upscale area.

A doorman pulled open the door to the building. I told him Julia’s name and apartment number. I waited, looking around the lobby while he called up. He nodded and told me to go on up. I knocked on the door and waited.

“Hi,” she answered. “Come in.”

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