Page 58 of A Childhood Crush


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“You’re right,” I said, grateful for Izzy’s unwavering support. “Thanks, Izzy. You always know just what to say.”

“Of course, that’s what friends are for,” she replied with a smile in her voice. “Now, tell me, what else is going on?”

We spent the next hour catching up on each other’s lives, laughing and reminiscing about old times. As we talked, I felt my worries about Luke and my mother’s opinion melt away. I felt ridiculous thinking he would ever do something like that to me. Eventually, our conversation came to an end, and we said our goodbyes.

I wanted to go back to writing, but I had a job I had been putting off all day. I had to check the balance on my credit card and see if I could afford to pay for the trip. I already knew I didn’t have it, but I was hoping there was a magic money fairy. I was hoping the money would just appear in my bank.

I was fucked. No matter how many different ways I balanced my bank account, I didn’t have the money to go on the Maine spa trip for the bachelorette party. The jobs I picked up weren’t enough. I was humiliated. I was the loser who couldn’t afford to pay her way. Feeling more at ease than I had in days, I decided it was time to call Lena. I doubted they would really miss me. The three of them had been best friends since childhood. I barely knew any of them. I knew Caroline a little, but nothing like they all knew each other.

Caroline, Julia, and Lena were all married, or almost married, to very wealthy men. They could afford a trip to Maine. I couldn’t. I couldn’t afford rent. If it wasn’t for Luke taking me in, I would be on the street or back home with my parents.

Was that why he’d asked me to stay? Once the thought entered my mind, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It was very convenient timing. My mind started to spin out of control. I wondered if my dad was behind the break-in at my apartment. It was crazy, but with my family, it wasn’t that crazy. Was there a chance Luke was involved? I started running through the timeline. There was the incident at the party with my dad. Luke rushed out and saved me. I didn’t even know he saw me go on the terrace. Did my dad tell him to go after me?

Then there was the setup at Julia’s apartment. Was I being played? I was spiraling. I thought about everything Izzy said. Of all the people in the world, Luke was the one I didn’t have to worry about betraying me. The man had been in my corner my whole life. There was nothing to freak out about.

I picked up the phone to call Lena and let her know I was going to have to back out of the trip. As I dialed Lena’s number, my heart sank. I knew I would be letting her down, but I had no other choice. I couldn’t go into debt just to keep up with my friends.

“Lena,” I said when she picked up. “How are you?”

“Good,” she answered. “How are you?”

“Good,” I replied awkwardly.

“Are you settling in?” she asked. “I was very happy to hear you and Luke worked things out. He’s a good guy.”

“He is,” I agreed. “He’s been very good to me.”

“I got the write-ups you did for Caroline’s book,” she said. “Those are amazing and so pretty. She’s going to love it.”

“Thank you,” I said. “Look, Lena, I’m really sorry, but I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it to the bachelorette party in Maine. I just don’t have the money. I tried to do as much extra work as I could, but it just isn’t in the cards.”

There was a long pause on the other end of the line. “Oh,” Lena finally said. “I see.”

I cringed, waiting for her to say something judgmental or condescending. “I’m really sorry,” I continued. “I feel horrible. I hope the three of you will have a good time. I know you will. The spa looked amazing. It’s exactly what Caroline needs to relax before the wedding. I love that you guys are doing it a few weeks before the wedding. It’s the perfect time because I’m sure she’s feeling the nerves.”

I was rambling because I was so embarrassed. I couldn’t even think straight. I waited for her to tell me she was disappointed. “Oh, don’t worry about it,” she said. “Luke already covered your share last week.”

“What?” I asked with surprise.

“Yeah, he Venmoed me the money last week,” she confessed.

“Oh, I see,” I said. “Well, uh, I guess I’ll see you there.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine,” I answered with my voice a few octaves higher than usual. “I can’t wait. I have to go, but thank you and yeah, I’ll see you there.”

I hung up and stared at my phone. I was furious. I couldn’t believe it. The one person I thought I could trust with anything, had gone behind my back and paid for me without telling me. I felt hurt and angry, like he was trying to control me or make decisions for me without my consent.

I had recently prided myself on being an independent woman, capable of making my own choices and living my life on my own terms. And now, it seemed like Luke didn’t respect that at all. Instead, he had taken it upon himself to plan a trip for me without even bothering to ask if I wanted to go. Granted, I wanted to go, but I was trying to work more to afford the trip. It was my thing, not his.

I thought more about it and my anger only grew. How could he do this to me? Didn’t he know that I valued my independence and autonomy above all else? And now, he had taken that away from me in one fell swoop. It was so much like my dad. It was exactly what my dad would do.

I knew I needed to talk to him about it, to confront him about his actions and try to understand his motivations. But in that moment, all I could feel was hurt and betrayal. How could he have done this to me? How could he have thought it was okay to take away my independence like that?

I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down. I knew that I needed to approach this situation with a level head and an open heart. But for now, all I could feel was the sting of his betrayal and the ache of my own wounded pride.

He made me feel like I was incapable of taking care of myself. I was trying so hard to prove to everyone I could, and I seemed to be failing miserably. My attempt to move out on my own was blowing up in my face. I wondered if there was a chance he was reporting back to my dad. Did they sit around and talk about what a failure I was? I wondered if they talked on the phone. Text maybe. Never before had I wanted to snoop through Luke’s phone, but I did now. I knew he wouldn’t cheat on me, but there was a chance he was betraying me. I felt like that was worse than cheating on me with a woman.

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