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“Well, the funeral was extremely sad, but it wasn’t until he sat us down and spoke to all of us in the locker room the next week that I had a complete life epiphany. The whole time he spoke of the love of his life, there was one name that filled my mind. Feelings I had suppressed for too long were at the forefront and they haven’t left since.”
Tears fill my eyes, realizing what he’s saying. Words I have longed for.
“I was looking up flights. Ready to come to you and tell you everything. But then when I called…”
Memories of that night come flooding back. “I told you I had finally gone on a second date and was planning on a third.”
I knew in my gut something was off with him that night… the way he spoke of time and life.
I stand, wrapping my arms around his broad back. “Trust me, if you had told me how you were feeling, that third date would’ve never happened and neither would these past eight months with him.” I kiss his pounding chest gently. “The only reason I ever agreed to go on any dates was because I was terrified of my feelings for you and what they would mean for our friendship if I couldn’t move on.”
Eli lifts my chin to look him in the eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me? The first time I ever even questioned it was the night of your graduation party. You always seemed to roll us right back into the friend-zone so easily.”
“That was for my own self-preservation. I knew you didn’t want anything serious, and I was determined not to be the girl who created a distraction for you during baseball. I knew first-hand how hard you worked for those dreams. Plus, I had no idea if you wanted more with me, and I would have never jeopardized our friendship by asking that of you unless I knew for certain you were ready for a relationship.”
He nods, and I can see the wheels in his mind turning, taking it all in. I play with the hair at the back of his neck. “Tell me about this epiphany.”
Eli’s eye bore into me. “None of it is worth it without you beside me. I believed it that day and I’ve felt it every minute of these past eight months. Knowing you were at his side instead was slowly destroying me.” He tugs my body in closer, never letting his gaze fall from mine.
“The list of reasons is a mile long, but for starters—You’re the first person I want to talk to about anything and everything… the good, the bad, and the ugly. I could recall so many memories, but the main one that sticks out is the draft.”
I smile at the memory. It was one of the best days of my life, watching his dreams come true right in front of my eyes.
“When I think back on the moment I was picked to be the next Carolina Bulls pitcher, it's not my family’s elation or the sense of accomplishment I felt for achieving my goals I remember. It’s the look of pride and happiness that gleamed on your face when our eyes met over my parents’ embrace. You were right there taking a back seat to everyone else, when in reality, it wasyouI wanted to tell everything I was thinking to.”
Selfishly, I had felt the same way… I hated sharing him with everyone else in that moment. Later that night, wrapped up naked in his sheets, he had revealed all his feelings to me. I felt so special to be privy to his thoughts.
“And there is no one else who can put me in a good mood like you do or just sit and listen when I’m in a shitty one. Let’s be honest, at least once a month, you get to listen to my bitchfest about our new pitching coach. Most people would have told me to shut the fuck up by now.” We both chuckle at that.
“I don’t have fun with anyone… not Wes, not my teammates, not Parker, no one, like I do with you. My favorite pastime this year has been sulking in my bed, reminiscing about all our fun over the years. The time you challenged me to a flip contest on the wakeboard and you lost your bathing suit top has especially been on repeat,” he says, snapping the strap on my tank top as I giggle thinking about the lust in his eyes that day when he pulled me back into the boat. We ended up parked in a secluded cove, where I quickly lost my bathing suit bottoms too.
“To top it off, I have never wanted to be inside a woman the way I do you… and it's been too fucking long, Queenie. We’re always explosive together.” He says that last part while tracing my bottom lip with his thumb, causing a pang of longing to shoot through my core.
“I struggled with asking you to give up your dreams, but I want you with me… always. Next week, when I go back to New York, I want you there at my place… and in the spring, I want you in Florida with me for training, and then here in North Carolina with me for the season.”
I want all that too.
“Have you ever thought about what you would do if you knew it was your last few hours on this earth?”
I shake my head because, honestly, the thought has never crossed my mind, but I know my answer would involve him, without a doubt.
“Well, I have… maybe it's morbid, but I have thought about it a lot and the answer is always…you. No matter what we are doing, I would want those last hours to be withyou.”
My inside swarms with excitement as he continues.
“I don’t want to waste another second being apart. But I never want you to give up on your own dreams. I promise I’ll help you figure them out. I’ll support you in any way I can, and if an opportunity arises for you, and we need to move, I’ll address it with my contract when the time comes. I’ll do anything for you, Q. I just want you… all of you.”
All of you.
On my tiptoes, I give him an Eskimo kiss. “You have me. I was never meant to be anyone else’s.”
His shoulders move as he inhales a deep breath.
“I feel like I can breathe again…after last night, I wasn’t sure I’d ever hear those words.”
Pulling me back down to his plush couch, we lie facing each other with my back to the water.
“Don’t feel like you have to tell me tonight, but what happened yesterday?” Eli asks.
