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Scooping her up from the bassinet, fresh tears well in my eyes. This precious angel is a piece of the man I love. I’ve had so much anxiety about meeting the girls, but in this moment, I couldn’t imagine not being here.
“She’s perfect, E,” I whisper, my throat too thick as I meet his emotional eyes watching me. “They both are. Can you tell them apart yet?”
“It’s weird, it's like I can sense who they are… but there are a few small differences I’ve picked up on already. Sophie…” He nods his head toward the angel I’m cradling in my arms. “I think she’s going to have a tiny little dimple in her chin like yours. You can barely see it, but it’s there.” I brush my fingertips gently across her chin and the tiny dimple, attempting not to let my emotions get out of control at the fact he has already seen me in his children.
I wonder if he thinks about me every second of every day like I do him.
It's exhausting.
“So, how’s dad life so far?”
I see the hesitation on his face, probably deciding how much I can handle of his new life withher.
“Tiring… but these two are worth it. The instant love and admiration I had for each of them the second I saw their little faces is kind of surreal.”
I move over and sit in the rocking chair closest to him.
“I can only imagine.” And unfortunately, I have many, many times. “And to think Maddie and Lo always thought you were too protective over them… these two are going to be guarded like the President of the United States.”
He chuckles, shaking his head, because he knows it's the truth.
I glance at the cracked door that opens up into the other part of the suite. It's easier to pretend she doesn’t exist, but I know it's the right thing to do, so I force out my next question.
“And how is Cami? Is her recovery going well?” Her name tastes sour in my mouth. And not like the gummy worms I love so dearly.
Eli shrugs. “She seems okay. I check on her, of course, but one of her cousins has been in and out, helping her with showers and things like that. Luckily, the delivery was very smooth. I’ve been trying to do as much with the babies as possible to help on that side of things, since the situation is… not ideal. She isn’t breastfeeding, so I have a routine going with their feeds and it seems to be working well.”
I nod my head, digesting everything he said. I should feel guilty for the joy it brings me to know he isn’t the one having to provide for her personal needs all the time.
“I’ve missed you, Queenie… so much. How have you been?”
Inhaling a deep breath, I respond honestly, “I’ve missed you, too. More than you know.”
I close my eyes, trying to reel in my emotions. “Things have been pretty good. I’m still loving the family I’ve been nannying for. I never thought I would love kiddos so much, especially after that summer at the camp.”
We both chuckle at that, remembering my many horror stories from my first job out of college.
“But really, I love caring for them and getting to know each of their niches. Definitely don’t think teaching is my calling… the three of them are plenty to keep me on my toes. I couldn’t handle a whole classroom.” I debate on whether I want to elaborate, something I’ve never had an issue with before when it comes to Eli, so I decide to be raw with him.
“This past year has shined a light on a dream I didn’t realize was so important to me… motherhood.”
I see Eli visibly swallow as he glances from me to his baby girl in my arms.
“Quinn…” He says my name like a question. A question I’m still unsure of the answer to.
“I’m trying, Eli. I want to be stronger for you… for them. All I can promise right now is to try.”
“Can I ask one thing of you?”
Timidly, I nod. I don’t want to let him down any more than I already have recently.
“Can you FaceTime us weekly like we used to? I want my girls to know you. Please?”
“Eli?”Hervoice echoing in from the other room sounds like fingernails on a chalkboard to my ears.
I go to lay Sophie down in the bassinet, knowing it's time for me to leave now.
“Quinn, you don’t have to go.”
