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“You can’t have everything, brother,” he said smiling.
“Get out of my sight,” I said, and strode off, into the darkness.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Lena
Thatnightthepartycontinued to rage up on the roof. But I sat in the hotel gardens and wept, for an hour, maybe two. By the time I looked up and checked the clock, it was 3:00 a.m. I got up, and my beautiful dress was tangled and matted from where I’d been sitting on one of the stone benches. I thought of Cinderella and her dress turning to rags. Exhausted and miserable, I climbed the stairs of the hotel and made it to my room. When I got there, the lights were off and Alex and Jared were nowhere to be seen.
I slipped off the dress, hung it up, and crawled into bed. I pulled the covers over my head. Tomorrow morning I’d be out of here. There was no way I was staying around now. And there was no way Alex would want to ever see me again, not now after what he’d found out about me.
I kept telling myself it wasn’t a lie, and it wasn’t, not really. Alex never asked, and I never denied a thing. But with the sin of omission weighing heavily on my heart, I lay staring at the ceiling, willing myself to sleep.
I sobbed and curled up in a fetal position in the dark. How could I have treated Alex so badly? How could I have let him be embarrassed—be humiliated—like this? I should have known that Jared would find out, and I should have known that there was no way we could keep this whole thing a secret for much longer. I should have told him that day when I applied for the job, apologized, and excused myself.
But then I might not even have been able to stay in Hawaii. I’d been desperate. It seemed like at some point I crossed a line. But the line had been crossed so lowly, in such small movements, that by the time Alex had first put his hands on me and kissed me, or by the time he’d brought me out here to Kauai to make me a star, I’d forgotten about telling him anything about my past. And by then it had been too late to tell him without hurting him.
I did what I thought was best. But my best wasn’t good enough. Not even close. Or at least, it didn’t seem that way to me, there in my bed, as I wept myself to sleep while the rosy dawn light began to creep in over my windowsill.
Thefollowingmorning,Iwoke up and packed my things. I’d only brought a tiny case, so it didn’t take me very long. Sadly, I reflected that while I’d seen and experienced so many amazing things out here, there was nothing I had to remind myself of me and Alex. Not a picture. Not even a present he’d given me. I knew I couldn’t keep the dress, so I laid it out neatly on the bed.
It was too late to catch the ferry this morning, and the next one wasn’t until the afternoon. My stomach growled with hunger, and I laughed at myself. My heart lightened for a moment. It was amazing how your body kept going and kept asking you for things, even when your mind was being distracted by thoughts of what I had done.
I didn’t want to leave my room, but I knew I had to. So, I dressed myself in a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. I left my hair loose, and I didn’t put any makeup on.
As I walked down through the hotel, I saw people I knew and turned away. But to my astonishment, no one recognized me.
When I was in my swimsuit, my dresses, and my gowns, people recognized me.
But like this, I was just another woman, walking quietly down to the hotel restaurant.
Most people had left by now: the only people who were staying were a couple of Alex’s staff who were going to be around for the grand opening. In the restaurant, I ordered a salad.
As I ate, my eyes darted around the room. Would I see someone? Anyone? Would Alex come down? Surely not. I wondered where he was. I wanted to talk to him, and I wanted to call him on the phone right now and tell him that I’d made a terrible mistake, the worst mistake of my life, but I still wanted him, still needed him by my side. That I missed him now, everything about him, his grumpy, serious personality, his meticulous pride in his work, and his appearance.
But no one came. There was no magic wand I could wave which could make the fairytale come back.
I went back to my room and got ready to check out. I was tying my shoelaces when there was a knock at the door.
I got up, and suddenly my heart felt light, and I ran as fast as I could. He’d be there—I could apologize, I could explain, and he’d forgive me, and things would be all right again!
I opened the door.
But it wasn’t him.
It was Jared.
“Oh,” I said. “It’s you, what more do you want?”
Jared was still handsome, even now. But my heart didn’t warm when I saw him. I knew that what was between us was long over.
He looked past me, into my room. “You’re leaving?” he said, quietly.
“I am. Where are you staying?’
“In a place down the road. I came up to see you, Lena.”
“Why?” I said bitterly, my hands by my sides. I could feel my heart thudding.
