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His eyes went to my breasts, riveted there for a few moments before he shifted to the side, offering me his profile.
“What if it’s for one night? Only one night. And we don’t tell anyone what happens. Instead of what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, this’ll be what happens in New York, stays in New York.” Was I really offering him no-strings-attached sex? “I won’t tell Rory. Savanna. Any of my friends. Or family.”
“Why do you want to do this? Won’t it . . . complicate things?”
But I could feel him surrendering. Giving in.
“Jesse, I’ve wanted you since as far back as I can remember. I’ve always wanted you, and you have to know that,” I admitted, setting my hand on his arm, urging him to look at me.
“Then tonight would be a mistake.” He finally faced me, the full effect of his conflicted expression trained on me. “Because I can’t be the man you need.” He shook his head. “You deserve to be with someone whole, Ella. And I’m about as broken as they come. Far too many pieces for me to ask you to try and help put me back together.”
My heart about stopped at his words. At the emotion in them. At the sadness in his eyes. Not whole? Why not? What are you keeping from me?
“But, Ella, the last thing in the world I want is to reject you tonight. Because I do want you. I want to throw you on the bed and fuck the ever-loving daylights out of you. And then do it again and again and again.”
I nearly melted. Right to the floor.
“But saying no is something I need to do. It’d be wrong of me to give you false hope. I’d be an asshole.”
“Then be an asshole. Don’t say no. Not tonight. I don’t want to be a good girl. The trusty and reliable Ella that does no wrong,” I murmured. “I want to be bad.”
He lightly gripped my arms. He was desperate to say no. Just as much as he was desperate to say yes. I could see the conflict warring in his eyes. His need to protect me. Even from himself.
“We won’t kiss. Anywhere. Not even, you know, down there,” I blurted. “Nothing intimate. I think that’ll help make it less . . . hopeful.”
He licked his lips. Probably unaware he even did it. “I don’t have condoms.”
Three beats later, my heart landed back in a normal rhythm as I shared, “I do.”
He held me a touch tighter at my words. “Were you planning to hook up with someone this weekend?”
“I may have hoped that you . . .” I leaned closer, my breasts touching his hard frame.
“We don’t tell anyone. Rory won’t ever leave us alone if she knows.” He swallowed hard, and I wanted to lick his Adams apple. “I can’t be with you,” he reiterated. “I don’t want you to try and fix me. To think I can be . . . fixed.” His gaze softened. “You have to promise me you’ll move on . . . please.”
Move on? How in the world . . .? But I relented and nodded. I was desperate to feel his touch, and if keeping us a secret was the way to get it—hell, I’d agree to just about anything.
“I have to hear you say it. I need to look into your eyes when you do.”
I might as well have been crossing my fingers behind my back when I told him, “I promise. I’ll move on.”
He let go of me and stared me up and down. “You’re beautiful.”
I let go of a shaky breath at his compliment. Had he ever said that to me before? Of course, we were barely ever alone without my brothers around.
“So are you. You know, in a manly, rugged way, of course.” I smiled, starting to feel nervous that THIS was finally happening. I stepped forward and reached for his zipper, opting to be bold, lowering his pants to expose his boxer briefs. He was rock hard and ready for me.
“No kissing, but can I touch you?” he asked, his tone ragged, like he was still fighting to restrain himself. Fighting this thing between us despite his question.
“Yes, please,” I said with a tiny nod.
He hooked his fingers around the thin straps and pushed down my panties, then set his palm to my pussy. He hissed as he felt my arousal when he slid his fingers along my sex. I bucked into him, and he rolled one of my peaked nipples between his other fingers.
Holy shit. “Jesse,” I cried when he crooked two fingers inside me, instantly hitting my G-spot.
“Don’t,” he demanded. “Don’t say my name,” he growled out as he squeezed my tit, continuing to work my pussy.
“Why?” I breathlessly moaned, my eyes locked on his.
