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There’s no way I could be with you while I work with them. Too dangerous.
But now my year is almost up, and . . .
You’ve moved on.
I want to fight for you. For us.
But what if you’re happy with banker-boy Brian? What if he’s better at keeping you safe because he doesn’t have a dark past and a laundry list of bad guys he’s killed?
I mean, I already checked. He’s clean. No kill count. Not even a parking ticket . . . what a motherfucker.
What if you’re happy? I don’t want to interfere with your happiness.
I don’t know what to do.
Tell me what to do, Ella.
I have to go out of town again. Kill two people this time responsible for a terrorist attack in Yemen. This is my life. STILL my life. But I want YOU to be my life.
Fucked in the head,
Jesse
LETTER
ELLA
JESSE,
I don’t know how much you know, but Brian, the guy I’ve been dating, asked me to marry him. We haven’t even had sex. I’ve never even let him go down on me.
I didn’t want to say yes.
Somehow it happened, though.
Put on the spot, I guess.
Can I take it back?
Wouldn’t I rather be single forever than to marry someone who doesn’t have my heart? I already gave my heart away. I gave it to you.
Long before our weekend in New York last year.
With every horse ride on the ranch.
With every little look my way.
So many “with every” moments I could go on and on.
All with you.
So many reasons I shouldn’t marry Brian.
All of them because I still love you.
I’m a horrible person because I said yes.
Hating myself tonight. Crying a lot, too.
