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“I drove you here.”
“I can walk home,” I grit, tugging the zipper of my jacket higher.
“After what Snow put you through,Ican’t walk home, and I’m not even the one who was on that table.” The lights of his BMW flash as he unlocks the door. For a second, I weigh my options but then decide he’s right. Might as well get home fast and avoid this fucking cold. I follow after him, sliding into the car, unable to hold a wince.
“Besides, I’m not taking you home.”
“What?” I look at Nixon just as he turns on the car and pulls out of the parking lot. “Where the fuck are we going?”
My leg is aching from all the work Snow put me through, and I’m ready to get back to my place. Find something to dull the throbbing.
“You’ll have to wait and see.”
“I’m done playing your games, Nixon. Take me home.”
“Nope.” His fingers tighten around the steering wheel. The street lamp’s light illuminates his stony face as he stares at the road ahead. “Jade loves you,” he says softly, eyes firmly on the road. “God knows why she does, but she loves you.”
“She was the one who walked away,” I say, my fingers curling around the door handle. I’m half tempted to open the door and jump out the first chance I get. Anything to avoid this conversation.
What’s the point, really?
“Because she can’t deal with your self-destruction, not when she’s fighting cancer. Not when she herself is toeing the line.”
The haunted look I’ve seen in those blue eyes so many times in the last few weeks flashes in my mind. Nixon runs his fingers through his hair.
“You don’t know this, but she was so close to breaking over winter break. We came home from the chemo, and she insisted I should go to a meeting with some agent that was in town, so I went. I was away for one hour, just one hour before my phone rang, and I knew immediately something was wrong. She was broken, Prescott. Completely and utterly broken. I could hear it in her voice, so I made her stay on the line while I rushed back home. It was only a few minutes, but to me, it felt like hours, and when I got there…” He shakes his head as if he can still see the images in his head. “The lamp was broken, shattered pieces scattered on the floor, and she must have stepped on them as she was going to the bathroom because there was blood on the floor. And once I stepped into the bathroom, it was like being thrown back in time. She was sitting on the floor, her legs pulled to her chest, completely wet, and water spilled on the tiles around her. She never told me what exactly happened in that room while I was gone, but I could piece it together because this wasn’t the first time she’s done something similar, and I almost missed it.Twicenow. First after Mom’s funeral, and now again.” His voice is stony as he tells me, each word landing like a blow. “I’ll never forget the fear of seeing her in there, the fear of seeing her struggle for breath once I pulled her out. That’s when I finally looked at her and saw it—the darkness. I never knew how long I was blind to it, blind to her silent suffering, and I swore I’ll never do it again. And once again, I almost missed it. Once again, I almost failed her. Thankfully, this time she was stronger, and she reached out to me for help.” He glances at me for a split second, jaw-hardening. “And she’s not the only person I failed. I’ve been so focused on Yasmin, Jade and the cancer, and football, that I haven’t seen you struggling.”
I close my eyes, my chest feeling tight at the revelation.
Jade in the bathroom.
Jade trying…
I shake my head, pushing the thoughts away.
She didn’t go through with it. She was alive and well, and that was the only thing that mattered.
“I didn’t want you to see the signs. I didn’t want anybody to see them.”
“Neither does she. But I know her, and I knowyoubetter. I should have seen them anyway. I should have done something to help, and for that, I’m sorry.”
“There was nothing that you could have done. The only other option was for me not to play, and I couldn’t risk it. Not when I had a pro—” I bite the inside of my cheek, stopping the words from coming out.
“A what?”
I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter. What’s done is done.”
It’s true. Gabriel is gone, has been gone for years, and the only thing I promised him I’d do, I messed up in the end.
“But it’s not done, is it? Your leg’s hurt. You’re drinking, and not even just that, you’re mixing it with pain pills. You and Jade are broken up… You needhelp, Prescott. And I want to help you.”
I frown at the building as he pulls into the parking lot, unease creeping up my spine. “What the hell’s this? Why are we at church?”
Neither of us was religious, and I didn’t see how talking to a priest would help with any of my problems.
“Because you need help, and I don’t know how to help you besides bringing you here. I asked around, and they have a NA meeting, I fi—”
I turn toward him, the belt digging into my chest. “You didwhat? I’m not a fucking junkie.”
