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Lance stayed where he was, hands fisted at his sides, eyes never leaving mine. Breathing evenly, face blank.
“Ever since then, ever since I’ve been around you, I don’t feel afraid like I used to. I’m afraid of what I feel for you. It unsettles me. It terrifies me. Because of how powerful it is. A feeling that shouldn’t be that powerful considering you barely speak to me. I don’t know your favorite book, music. I don’t know what kind of past you’ve had to make you the man you are.” I paused. “I don’t know your pain,” I whispered. “I can feel it though, as stupid as it sounds. I feel it, and my own pain recognizes it. You make me feel less alone. Less afraid. And that’s why I have to have this talk with you. I can’t keep feeling like this, I can’t get used to feeling like this if we’re never going to be anything more. If you don’t want more from this. From me.” I looked out the window to the yard, then around the room at the toys strewn about.
“I have a little man that is relying on me to make better decisions on who’s in his life than I have in the past,” I said, regaining eye contact with Lance. “I already know that having you in his life is a good decision, though you might not teach him what he needs to know about proper vocabulary, you’ll give him a proper kind of role model to look up to. But that’s going way too far, considering we’ve only kissed. I’m probably making the hugest mistake even saying any of this,” I said, contradicting myself because Lance wasn’t interrupting me as I’d expected him to and now I was spiraling.
It was now I chose to purse my lips, fold my own arms and not say a word until Lance said something, anything, even if it was to totally shoot me down and send me low enough to bury myself in Reese’s cereal and bad TV.
But he didn’t say anything.
No, he just crossed the distance between us in two strides, snatched me by the face and kissed the ever-loving shit out of me.
I couldn’t even fathom what was happening until after it was over, my whole body was electrified, my lips felt swollen and bruised, my panties were drenched and my body was crying out for more.
That was of course, when he stopped kissing me.
But he didn’t move. Didn’t let me go. That was a good thing, not just because of how awesome it was to have his hands on me. But because I was almost one hundred percent sure that if he let me go, I’d fall to the floor and that would be really frickin’ embarrassing.
“We’re both allowed one mistake,” he murmured against my mouth.
And then he let go of me and walked away.
Luckily, I didn’t fall over.
But I did just stand there, mouth half open, heart beating in overdrive, staring at the empty space that used to be occupied by a beautiful, harsh and insanely confusing man.
“We’re both allowed one mistake?” Karen repeated, frowning at her wine glass. Not just because I bought the wine when I was across town and that meant it was my favorite ‘Two Buck Chuck’. And not because I’d eaten the last of the risotto.
Eliza was at my place, putting Nathan to bed, sensing I needed some adult time.
She was frickin’ right.
I’d just recounted the whole ‘event’—that’s what I was calling it, for lack of a better word—with Lance that had happened only a handful of hours ago. It seemed like seconds and a lifetime all at once.
I nodded after taking a sip from my wine. It may have been that I was beginning to rely far too much on my one to two glasses I was having a night. That was definitely a bad thing for a daughter of two alcoholics, but it was a problem for me to worry about when I was lying in bed worrying about a plethora of other things too, not now when I was recounting my crazy kiss with Lance with my girlfriend.
“He didn’t say anything else?” Karen probed.
I raised my brow at her. “Yes, he then got down on one knee, presented me with a diamond large enough to sink the Titanic all over again, asked me to marry him and professed his undying love for me,” I said dryly. “I just left that part out.”
She poked her tongue out at me. “Okay, so do you think he meant that kissing you was a mistake or that walking away was the mistake or was he just trying to be a badass and say something to drive you crazy and walk away?” she asked.
I rolled my eyes. “Those are the three-million-dollar questions. I don’t know what’s going on in his head.”
