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“I know this isn’t the time nor the place to have a talk like that,” Jensen started, nervously fiddling with his hands, and shifting weight from one foot to another.
It was rather unnerving to see him acting other than with his usual confidence and sureness. He took her hand in hers, lifting it up to his chest. Sienna squeezed it, trying to give him comfort and courage to keep going.
“We’ve talked about all this before, but never so clearly, which is why this time I want to put everything out in the open,” Jensen said, then took a deep breath before continuing, “I want to apologize for what we did to your family. We didn’t need to be so cruel. We didn’t need to kill everyone and could’ve let some of them survive. We were too worried about leaving anyone with any power alive and give the possible rebels a leader to follow. I was so angry when you weren’t among your family, but I wasn’t too worried. I honestly couldn’t believe that the strongest and most dangerous person escaped us because I’ve always seen you as a spoiled little princess. You’re so much more than that and I’m infinitely grateful that you weren’t there.”
Despite the heaviness of the topic, they exchanged small and tender smiles. Their new look on life only shows how far they’d come and how much they’d all been through. Sienna also couldn’t believe that she’d become so close to the people she thought were her enemies but then turned out to be her greatest allies. The world worked in a funny way.
“Seeing you lose your life over and over again was killing me inside,” Jensen continued. “Every time that you put yourself in danger, I got a new strand of grey hair. Every time that you got hurt, I wanted to kill ten people to satisfy my thirst for vengeance. You woke up the feelings in me that I long thought dead. I never thought that I was going to feel anything even close to what I felt for Haley, but for you I feel that and much more. Now I see that what I felt for Haley was childish compared to the passion and desire that burns inside me when I think about you. You’re the spark that lit me up again and brought me back to life.”
Sienna bit her lower lip, overwhelmed by all the emotion and vulnerability Jensen was showing her. It was so unlike him to open up himself like that and even though she knew she got under his skin, she had no idea just how much.
“Just in case it wasn’t obvious before, I want to make it clear now. I love you, Sienna Ryder. I am in love with you and I don’t want to spend my life without you. You’re my happiness, my peace, and my safe place. You’re my everything and I always want to be by your side, if you’ll have me, of course.”
Sienna’s mouth fell open in surprise when Jensen lowered himself on one knee. He was still holding her hands in his and brought them up to his face to give them a tender kiss before looking into her eyes again.
“I don’t have a ring with me because I didn’t plan on this, but I promise that if you say yes, I’ll get you whatever you want. You deserve the world, Sienna, and if you give me a chance, I’ll deliver it to you on a silver platter,” Jensen told her, then licked his lips before asking the question she knew was coming. “Will you marry me?”
CHAPTER 24
Sienna'seyeswidenedandher heart banged against her chest, but she wasn't entirely sure what she felt. She knew that she cared about Jensen a lot and might even love him, but she had just gotten out of a forced marriage and a complete nightmare that she had lived for the last couple of months. Surely, going head first through the wall into another big stage of her life without giving it some thought was ridiculous.
Suddenly, it became very clear to Sienna what she had to do, but she wasn't sure how to formulate the proper response without losing the man that she was sure she loved. Sienna was sick and tired of losing people. Some part of her was angry at Jensen for putting her in the spot where she had to be careful with her words or she'd lose another important person in her life. She didn't understand why people had to rush into things and why they had these massive emotional events to make proclamations like that and expect others to just go with it. Fuck this. She wouldn't just go with it and if he was going to get upset with her, he could fuck off as well.
Jensen still held Sienna's hands and she used them to pull him up.
"Stand up," she told him, after he resisted and stayed kneeling in front of her. "Please, get up."
Jensen's hopeful face darkened, but he did what she asked him. Sienna pulled her hands out of his grip and put them on his cheeks, forcing him to look her in the eyes.
"I love you too, Jensen," she told him, figuring it would be best to start strong. Jensen's eyes momentarily lit up, but he soon understood there was more.
"But," he said, prompting her to continue.
"But," Sienna repeated, then took a deep breath, still unsure of how to break her lover's heart without shattering it to million pieces. "I can't promise myself to only one man. Not now. Maybe not ever. I don't know. I need time, Jensen. Can you give me that? With everything that happened and everything that we've been through, I didn't have the time to stop and process the things. I don't know who I am anymore, and I need to discover it, but I need to do it alone first. I can't build my life around someone else. Not yet. It wouldn't be fair to the person nor to me. If I jump into something too soon, it will only cause cracks and problems in the future. I want the relationships in my love life to have strong foundations. Do you understand what I'm saying? Can you give me time?"
"I think I know what you mean, but I'm not quite clear what your reply is," Jensen said, his brows furrowing in confusion.
"My reply is no," Sienna said with a firm but kind voice. "Although, that doesn't mean that it won't change in the future. So, I suppose you can also take it as not yet."
Jensen tilted his head to the side and bit his lower lip as he thought through what Sienna had just told him. When he was done, he gave her a small smile and nodded.
"Take all the time you need," he told her, then kissed her cheek and whispered into her ear, "Even if you make me wait for the rest of my life, you'll be worth it. You're something special. You're the light at the end of a dark tunnel and a star in the empty sky. You're the love of my life and I'll take whatever you can offer me, when you're ready."
Sienna looked into his eyes and saw that he was telling the truth. He meant everything he had said. It made her feel better and lighter. She was worried about breaking him, but he was made of a stronger and sturdier stuff. He was incredible and precious, and she wouldn't forget that.
"We should go," Sienna told him, gesturing toward the cars where the rest of the family members had been waiting for them. "It's been a long day and we all need to rest."
"Of course," Jensen said and offered her his arm.
Sienna hooked hers through his and leaned into his solid presence, enjoying the feeling of lightness as the weight of the world lifted off her shoulders. For the first time in a long while, she was starting to feel hopeful about what was to come. She was still scared and nervous about a lot of things, but she also began seeing the good parts of what her future could be. Her life was full of possibilities, and it was up to her to decide which way to take it.
Sienna was free, but with freedom also came responsibility. She had her own business to run and the decision she would make would affect a lot of lives instead of just hers. Freedom came at a cost, but so far, it looked a lot better than the life of a prisoner she was leading up until now, or even the guest-prisoner.
Jensen helped her get in the same car where Aurora and Adrianna were. He went to the driver's side and followed behind the car with Aiden, Jaxon, and Xavier. It was time for them to go home. All of them, including Aiden, who would be chained to the bed the moment they arrived. Taking him to the funeral was a risky exception, but no one said anything because it was an important occasion, one that everyone understood wasn't to be missed.
The ride home was silent, the atmosphere in the car heavy and sad. Away from the eyes of other people, the Carringtons allowed themselves to relax. Silent tears fell down Aurora's cheeks, leaving wet trail behind. Aurora didn't wipe them or acknowledge them in any way. Sienna looked away, giving the grieving woman some privacy and a chance to maintain her dignity.
Jensen parked the car in the garage and even though most of the debris had been cleared up, the damage would never go away. The compound had been marked in all the possible horrific ways and not all of them could be wiped. The possibility of a clean slate was only possible if a person had lost all their memories, otherwise, it was a stupid and ridiculous notion that people used to trick themselves into believing they could be happy without making any significant changes in their lives.
