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“We were on a highway when I lost control of the car. I swerved, hit the safety railing, but because of our speed, the impact didn’t stop us. We went right through it as if it was made out of paper. There was a steep wild downhill that had no place for a car. We hit a tree after a tree, being thrown around as if we were on a rollercoaster. The car turned over again and again and again. Too many times to count. We’d both be dead without a seatbelt.”
Sienna could see the accident as if she was there herself. Her heart broke for the oldest Carrington heir, her arms ached to wrap around him and pull him close to protect him from further pain. She braced herself for the hardest part that she knew was coming.
“I lost consciousness. I don’t know how long it took me to regain it, but when I did, the car was up in flames. The metal was hot to the touch, the plastic slowly melting. I looked to the side at Haley and saw her hair all covered with blood, glued on her face. I thought she was dead. I really did.”
Jensen’s words choked in his throat. It sounded as if he was trying to convince himself of it as much as her. He shook his head and cleared his throat. Sienna wanted to take his hand in hers, but she was afraid if she reminded him that he was there, he’d stop talking. Sitting next to him without offering him comfort was one of the hardest things she had to do.
“I got myself out of the car seconds before the flames spread, but once they did it was so fast. I thought Haley was dead, but it turned out she was only unconscious. When the flames touched her, the pain woke her up and to this day, I’ll never forget her screams. It was the most horrible thing I’ve ever heard. She was burning and it was my fault. I abandoned her, left her behind, thinking only of myself. I did that to someone I thought loved more than life itself, but apparently, I was wrong because when it came to choosing, I chose me and my life. I’m a fucking bastard, a coward, and the worst son of a bitch that ever lived. I don’t deserve to feel the happiness of love ever again. I thought I wouldn’t, but then…”
Jensen trailed off and wiped his eyes, clearing them of unshed tears. Sienna hurt for him, and she’d leave him alone, but the way he ended the sentence, she needed to know what he wanted to say.
“Then what?” she asked, her voice soft and gentle.
He shook his head, refusing to answer. His black locks covered his forehead and Sienna had to resist the urge to brush them back.
“Then what, Jensen?” she insisted, urging him to continue.
“Then you came,” he said with more force than she expected, looking her in the eye with intensity that she hadn’t seen in him before. “You came and you turned my whole life upside down. You make me want to kiss you, caress you, touch you… You make me want to do all the things that I didn’t do since Haley. You woke up the part of me that I thought burned that night. You did all that and I’ve been trying really hard to ignore it because I would only ruin you. I was mostly succeeding too, but then you have to come looking like that and all I can think about is getting that fucking dress off of you and give you the pleasure that only I can give.”
“Jensen,” Sienna breathed his name, saying it in a way like never before.
She moved closer to him and pulled him in a hug, his chest pressing to the front of her body. As she wrapped her arms around him, he slowly turned his head and rested it on her shoulder. He enfolded her in his embrace and with her ear against his chest, she could feel the rapid beating of his heart.
He lifted her chin, then looked into her eyes in a way that made her further melt into him. Sienna lifted her brow as his lips slowly curled up into a tentative smile. The look in his eyes told her he wanted to kiss her, and she wanted the same. Her face moved closer to him until their lips met. It was gentle but passionate at the same time, both of them holding back even as they gave in, surrendering a piece of their soul. After a minute, he leaned back, breaking the kiss, his expression ending the spell.
“I want to. I want you,” he whispered, then shook his head. “But I’m not ready yet. I can’t.”
“It’s okay,” she told him, meaning it. She caressed his cheek, rubbing her thumb against his stubble in circular, relaxing motions.
“You truly are one of a kind,” he told her so quietly that she barely heard him.
“Are you and Haley still in touch?” Sienna asked him after a moment, wanting him to focus on the present instead of the past.
His eyes softened as he nodded. “She did well with her life. She never blamed me for what happened and always focused on the positive side of things. She’s leading the Pediatric Burn Center and I see her every year when they hold an annual dinner raising money for the hospital. I donate generous amounts to support their work.”
“Because you feel guilty?”
“I’ll always feel guilty. I’ll never stop blaming myself. It was my fault what happened to her and after she woke up from a coma, I gave her a promise that I’ll change, and I did. I kept that promise and until you came, I didn’t have many temptations not to. Do you see why I’m being the way I am with you?”
“I understand and I’m sorry, but that’s not you anymore. You’ve learned from your mistakes and I’m sure you won’t repeat them anymore. Not to that extent,” she said, then put a slight pressure on his chin to make him look at her. “You need to live, Jensen. You need to allow yourself to experience life. Don’t lock yourself into a prison of your own making.”
“I’ll do my best, but don’t expect me to change overnight,” he said, then kissed her forehead, his lips soft and warm against her skin. “Thank you for listening to me. I didn’t know how much I was holding in until now.”
“I’m here for whatever you need,” she promised him, then shuddered as the cold breeze blew over her skin.
“Let’s get you back inside,” he said, noticing her goosebumps. “Don’t get me wrong, you look hot, but you should really be more conscious of the weather. The last thing we need is for you to get some nasty cold.”
Sienna rolled her eyes and snorted. “Just admit it that you love to take care of me when I’m sick, feeding me chicken soup and tucking me in bed.”
His face turned serious, his eyes darkening. “I don’t want to see you unable to get out of bed ever again. After that bombing attack… It was horrible and I can’t get through that again.”
Sienna cursed herself for forgetting about that. “I’m okay. Nothing will happen to me.”
Jensen nodded, his shoulders relaxing the slightest bit. “We should still get you inside.”
“Okay,” she agreed, understanding that it would take a lot more than show up barely covering any skin to get Jensen to have sex with her. It would also cost more, demanding a price that only their hearts and souls could pay. He wasn’t ready for it, and neither was she.
In silence, they walked to her room, the air between them light and companionable. They walked a long path from her being a prisoner and now his friend. The possibility of them becoming lovers in not so far future was a real one, but what that would mean for either of them was the biggest question mark Sienna had ever had to face.
