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Damn, what a waste of five-ninety-nine. Now I’m annoyed I didn’t get up and put it away before fingering myself.
Well, I guess I won’t be having anymore tonight.
I’m taking my ass to bed as soon as I wash my face.
I need this night to be over.
CHAPTER8
MAVERICK
Iwatch her storm out and it’s like once she’s out of sight, I can finally breathe again. Air rushes into my lungs and the lightheadedness disappears.
When I saw her watching, it’s like I was dropped into the deep end of the ocean, and the undertow dragged me down, and I couldn’t reach the surface. Everything was tunneled, and I was drowning.
I still can’t fucking believe she saw that. Watched the whole thing. I keep reminding myself that she didn’t know it was me. It’s not perverse because literally we were two strangers… until we weren’t.
Not that perversion has ever stopped me from doing whatever the fuck I want. By society’s standards, my entire life is a perversion, but trying to reconcile being a dad and being a man right now is hard.
It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced, and I feel high. As if all sense has left me as all blood rushed back to my cock.
A thousand different questions spin around me, but I’m helpless to gain any answers. The adrenaline of the entire night is still coursing through my system, and I know I won’t be coming down for hours.
Sexual highs are like ecstasy. It’s like you pop that little blue round pill with a lightning bolt etched into it, and all of a sudden you spend the next six hours in another dimension.
A knock rings out on my door, and I open it to see Carlo standing there, “Boss, she’s on her way home.” He’s rubbing the back of his neck, a nervous tic in his jaw.
“What’s wrong?”
“Uh, listen boss. I didn’t know she was your kid, but I don’t feel right about not coming clean.” Carlo is one of my best employees and has never given me an ounce of grief, but right now with the twitching and the words coming out of his mouth… if he put one fucking hand on October, whether he knew her relationship to me or not, he’s fucking done for.
“Spit it the fuck out.”
“I—I checked her out. Flirted with her for only a moment when she was hesitating to enter the hall. I’m sorry, boss. Truly.” Christ, if I do anything to him, I’ll be a goddamn hypocrite.
“Carlo, go the fuck back to work. Let’s just act like this never fucking happened.” He nods and leaves, but I don’t hear my door close.
“Are you going to spend the rest of the night in here? After that little show earlier, you shouldn’t be in such a shit ass mood, Mav. What’s going on?” Lincoln fucking Ashford.
“Linc, I really don’t fucking want to get into right now. I’m all fucked up in here.” I thump the side of my head and he just stares at me. Waiting me out.
“You ever craved something so irrevocably wrong? Something that should repel you?” I play with the sleeves of my shirt, threading the button in and out repeatedly. It’s only when the button snaps that I stop, choosing to roll both sleeves up until they rest just below my elbow.
“Yes, and it damn near killed me. You didn’t know me then, but I put myself through hell, and it wasn’t worth it. If there’s anything I’ve learned in this life, Maverick, it’s that you have to take every fucking ounce of happiness that you can. Every single one. No matter what. The world doesn’t care about people. The only thing that cares about you is yourself and those who’ve never made you feel less than. Trust me on this. Go home, Mav. In this state, being here isn’t good for you. Call me if you need me.” Linc walks over to me, giving me a one-armed hug before leaving.
He’s right. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Picking up my phone, I shoot a text off to Marcus that I’m heading out, and he’s in charge for the rest of the night.
Shutting the lights off in my office, I will my feelings to shut off as easily as I drive home.
* * *
The twenty-minute car ride did nothing for my raging hard-on, and I’ve been sitting here on the back deck for another ten, just alternating staring at the gentle laps of the pool water and the moon in the sky.
A glass of scotch hangs from my hand, my second since I’ve been home. The first one went down like a shot, and I’ve been nursing this one. I’m not an alcoholic, but part of me was hoping that the quick dose of alcohol to my system would numb… everything.
My cock. My mind. My feelings.
