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“You said you wanted to go slow,” I answer.
“Yes, I did, but....”
“But?”
“But you pleasured me our first night here. I would only expect that you want the same in return.”
“I do, but I can wait,” I say, kissing her forehead.
Her eyelids flutter open, and she asks, “Are you sure?”
“More than.”
A worried frown crosses her face again, and she shifts in my arms.
“What will you do until I’m ready to have sex? I mean, I know plenty of women are more than willing to be with you.”
I nod in acknowledgment of her statement.
“There are, Nia, but not always for the right reasons.”
“I want you for one reason alone. And it lies here,” she says, kissing my lips and pressing her hand against my heart.
My grip tightens around her waist, and I pull back.
“I need you to know what I want, Nia.”
“I do, Cade.”
“I’m talking about what I want from a woman. I’m unlike Shep, whose sexual appetite is diverse and seemingly difficult to satiate with just one woman. Neither am I like Ez, who seems to never be interested in a woman other than as arm candy for the media and the casual sex partner.”
“And is that a bad thing? That you’re not like them, I mean.”
“No. It’s not. It’s just that the women I usually date are looking for a rich husband who will provide all their needs and won’t have to worry about working a day in their lives. I plan to be that for my wife whenever I marry. But I want a wife who is my best friend. She is a woman with dreams and goals that aren’t singularly tied to mine and my money. I won’t mind funding her dreams, but I want her to be independent. Someone who sees and gets me, is with me because she cares about my heart and loves everything about me, even the sometimes dark side of me.”
Her eyelashes close, and she nods her head. With a soft sigh, she cuddles closer and doesn’t say a word.
I’ve often wondered if I scared her that week on my yacht. I’ve wondered if my sexual appetite and fetishes were too much for her.
“I haven’t been completely honest with you, Nia.”
She turns in my arms and stares quizzically up at me.
“Yesterday, during dinner at the restaurant, I asked you about Nicholas. I dug into everything about him and about your relationship with him.”
I don’t want her to find out any other way, so I need to tell her the truth now.
“You asked if there’d been others for me while we were apart, and I said yes. But you asked if there was anyone special that meant anything to me. I said no, and I lied.”
I feel her tensing in my arms, and I feel her pull away, not physically but emotionally. I know I can hurt her the same as she can me.
“A while back... in August, I went to Paris. I returned to see Claire.”
“Your ex?”
I nod.
“I needed to see if I still had any feelings for her. To see if there was any chance of us reuniting and working things out long-distance.”
