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Thatstronzo!
“I wiped the tears off your face after I first had you, not for fun, Katia. I did it because I didn't want to cause you harm or pain while I fucked you.” He shifted in search of comfort, detached. “I mean, not unless it’s what you want at the time.” Lucca’s arm creased before he tucked his hand behind his head.
“I smiled in the bathroom after hearing how long it had been since you'd been with another man. I smiled because you confirmed it while I touched you, and your tightness swore it.”
I played back our encounters, and while they all aligned, he spoke so unemotionally that I only felt its distant truth.
“AndI didsmile when I saw your pain-ridden face when you sat on my dick. Not because of the pain it caused, but because it allowed me to realize how you can hardly call yourself not a virgin.” He smirked. “Let me guess, you’ve tried almost everything sexual at least once, so no one could decide for you who it would be.”
I looked away. My heart hammering against my chest, processing his honesty and how easily he read past my most private secrets.
“Don’t worry we don’t have to talk about that now.”
I met his eyes.
“But Katia, I don’t have to cause you physical pain to hurt you.” He shrugged. “There are many other ways. Just now, I detest seeing a bruise on your body.”
“I…” I was speechless.
“Don’t say anything, Katia. This is no pillow talk. Don’t look for what isn’t there.”
While Lucca’s insensitivity caused my chest to tighten, and the void inside to collapse all around, I respected his reminder. His warning.
We both remained silent with our eyes fixed on one another, confined to the moment. Limited by words and thoughts. My hands didn’t move away from my covered chest, and he lay calmly waiting for my will to settle.
With a nod and ready to feel the pillow’s comfort, I told my heart to compose, and my mind to pause. To stop feeling. To stop fixing.
At least for the night.
I pulled the sheet and fully covered my body, but the chill never broke. I pushed my damp hair above my head to remove some of the cause, but after minutes the pesty crawling chills periodically arrived.
I rubbed my feet together non-stop. I shifted around, trying to find a warmer spot. But not once did I attempt to leave the warmth beneath the cover, not to dry my hair, or to bump the thermostat up.
“What’s wrong?” Lucca asked in a raspy voice.
“Nothing.”
Lucca exhaled loudly but didn’t ask again.
I peered over his body, appalled to see him comfortable with merely a part of the thin sheet covering him. Without a thought, I slid closer to him anticipating the warmth his skin promised. Lucca’s body tightened by my path, and when my body pressed against his side, his muscles hardened. But when my cold hand landed on his burning chest, he tensed.
Darkness couldn’t fail me, not tonight.
It wasn’t the first time I’d felt his skin this way, but it was the first time after sex. I knew he didn’t want my touch. How he wanted to keep him and I, not an“us”in my mind.
It was easier said than done because as I was pressed next to him, my body reacted with comfort and familiarity, something I hadn’t experienced before with another human. Stirring something I couldn’t fight against my body.
Even so, I had to hide thoughts I hardly understood.
“I’m just cold,” I whispered.
Lucca didn’t move me away or relax.
“Your fucking hand is freezing.”
I laughed and snuggled deeper into his body. Myfreezinghand slid up to find a new and fresh hot spot on his body. It came to a complete halt when I encountered liquid warmth followed by a light jerk from him.
“Dio.” I gasped and lifted my head. “You are bleeding again.”
