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I looked away. “I’m…I’m not sure,” I admitted.
“Hmm,” my father hummed. “I just wanted to tell you that if you did want to marry him, I’ll give you my blessing.”
My gaze darted to my father’s. “You would? Even though he’s not—”
“Full-Sicilian, half-Sicilian, what does it matter? He’s Italian, isn’t he?” Papa chuckled.
I hugged him again. “I’m not sure what I’m going to do, but that does mean a lot to me, Papa.”
“You and Matteo mean a lot to me. I want you both to be happy, and if Rocco makes you happy, I’m all for it.”
“Thank you, Papa,” I said, and then exited his office. I needed to wake up Matteo for school soon. I didn’t want his routine to get too changed, but I needed to talk to Rocco first. I walked down the long hall to the guest room he was staying in, and he answered the door without a shirt. I took in a breath and then I noticed the blood blooming from the bandages on his chest and side. “Your stitches,” I said.
Rocco grimaced. “Yeah, I popped a few during the fight,” he admitted. “It’s going to take some time to heal, but I don’t think they need to be stitched back up. Croaker said he’s meeting with me later this week to take out the stitches and check in on me.”
I frowned. “Are you sure?” I asked.
Rocco shrugged. “They’ll be fine,” he said, but I didn’t really have faith in that. Rocco wasn’t the best at taking care of himself, always too busy taking care of everyone else. He looked at my cheekbone. “Doesn’t look like you need a stitch,” he commented, cupping my cheek.
My face flushed and I pulled away from him. “I’m fine,” I said easily. “He just hit me a couple of times.”
“Bastard,” Rocco cursed.
I smiled at him. “Well, he can’t hurt me again.”
“I made sure of that,” Rocco said, his gaze intense.
“Can I come in?” I asked, and he moved aside to let me into the room. He gestured toward the bed and I sat down on the end of it. He stood, just watching me. “Remember when we talked about being friends?” I asked, and Rocco just nodded so I swallowed and continued. “I think that’s more important now than ever. I think Matteo needs to see us as a united front.”
“I think you’re right,” Rocco said quietly.
“So we can do it? We can…be friends?”
“Do you think we’ll ever be just friends?” Rocco asked, and I bit my lip.
“I don’t know,” I said honestly.
“Me either,”Rocco said. “But we owe it to Matteo to try.”
I swallowed hard, feeling like something was caught in my throat as he talked about being “just friends.” “Does that mean no more sex?” I asked.
Rocco looked away. “I think that’s for the best,” he said after a long moment. My heart seized in my chest and I hated how much it hurt to hear him say we should just be friends. But that was what I wanted, right? I wanted to co-parent and be good friends?
“That’s what I want,” I said out loud, as if saying it and hearing it would help me convince myself that it was true. Rocco still didn’t look at me, and I brushed past him as I walked to the doorway. It felt like electricity along my skin, but I didn’t react. I just pressed my lips together and walked out of his room and downstairs to get some coffee.
Rocco and I could be friends. Right?
26
ROCCO
The week went by quickly with me trying to get to know my son and avoiding Allegra at every turn. I spent all my time after dinner with Matteo, and Allegra left us alone, giving us space. We read books and watched television together, and played basketball outside. He was good at basketball, my son. But then again, in my opinion, my son was good at everything. He got great grades in school, in all subjects, unlike me. I had been a C student and I’d struggled even with that. But I’d graduated in the end.
I knew Matteo would have a better life than I did. His mother had money, and so would I, which I still couldn’t wrap my head around. I’d have the whole of Enzo’s estate to run and at my disposal, which seemed crazy to me. I’d always just been the muscle or a driver, lower-level. I’d never thought I’d have to deal with that side of things. I didn’t know how to do it, and I wasn’t sure how to navigate the situation. Maybe I could ask for Allegra’s help.
That was, when I could finally look at her and not want her, finally be next to her without needing to kiss her, needing to make love to her. I didn’t know if that would ever happen. I saw her come downstairs in just a pair of yoga shorts and a man’s t-shirt and I wondered, jealously, if it was the shirt of someone she was seeing. I kept thinking about that, about how if we were just friends, she’d eventually start seeing someone else. I couldn’t even imagine it without my stomach roiling and feeling nauseous. I felt possessive over her even when she wasn’t dating me, and I didn’t know how to stop myself from feeling so jealous.
At least that wasn’t anything I had to deal with right now. In the end, I’d go back to Enzo’s mansion and come to visit Matteo every week; but right now, Allegra and I wanted Matteo to have both his parents around. He deserved it, after all he’d been through. The thing was, I’d already decided I wanted to be a part of Matteo’s life, and I wanted to be as close to him as possible. I was hoping that deal came with Allegra, too, but I guessed I was wrong.
