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He nodded, then thought for a few minutes, as if trying to figure out the best way to tell me. Then he took in a deep breath and rested his hand on mine.
“Things between Sydney and I were going well. All things were going well. She’d just gotten a promotion, and my practice had been steadily growing since I’d opened it. We’d gotten engaged about six months earlier, and because we weren’t able to get away to celebrate our engagement, I’d booked us a weekend away at a bed-and-breakfast for Valentine’s Day. We both needed a break—from work, from wedding plans—and just be together. We found our relationship a bit strained, but nothing that was going to break us.
“Anyways, we got to the bed and breakfast, we spent the day out wandering this small town, had did some shopping and took in dinner and we returned to our room. She started talking about our future and how excited she was to start our life together, and then she brought up having my babies. We’d never discussed this before. In fact, she’d never even mentioned wanting children, and before I knew it, I was already living in a sprawling bungalow with a dog, three kids at my feet, and we weren’t even married yet.”
“So, it just freaked you out?”
“You could say that. Anyway, I guess she could tell from the look on my face that I wasn’t sure about this, and she got upset. I tried to explain myself, but she wouldn’t hear it, and she went to bed. The next morning, she was more quiet than usual, but she was speaking to me. When we returned from our weekend, she just seemed to act funny.
“This behaviour went on for weeks, so one night after a stressful day, I confronted her about it. She had somehow gotten it in her mind that I didn’t want to have kids with her. That she was the problem. I tried to explain myself and tell her that her conversation had made me feel uncomfortable at that moment, since we were just starting our lives together and I wanted to be selfish to start. I wanted it to just be us. Only she just got angrier at that. Then about two months later, she brought the topic up again.”
“What happened this time?”
“Well, I’d been dealing with some pretty heavy things at work. I’d just seen two women lose their first babies, and it absolutely devastated both couples. Plus, my sister had just had a miscarriage and was dealing with the emotional side of it, and her husband had become numb. She had no support. It was hard watching and dealing with this situation on a professional level, not to mention trying to be there for my sister.
“I’d just gotten off the phone with my sister one night when Sydney brought it up to me again. I lost my temper and told her I didn’t want children and not to bother bringing it up to me again. She went to bed in tears, and the rest is history.”
“Why would I judge you for that? Perhaps it was circumstances that made you feel that way.”
Asher ran his hand over his face. “No, the more I’ve thought about it, the more I realized after seeing the things that I see daily and what I’d just seen with my patients and my sister, that my reaction was very truthful. I think ultimately that was what lead us to breaking up. She really wanted kids, and well, I wanted to focus on my career. Honestly, the more she talked about it, and the more time we spent with friends that had kids, the more I realized I didn’t want any, and I didn’t think it was fair to not tell her. Only when I sat down and told her, it was like I ended her world. We broke up shortly after that. That’s why when you told me you couldn’t have children, I really didn’t find it that big of a deal. I know you thought I did, but I’m good with it.”
“I guess it shocked me a little, especially after how Miles reacted to the entire situation,” I whispered.
“Some people, Bella, are incapable of understanding. It’s not your fault. It’s not something you chose. There are many options out there for those who can’t have children.”
“I know.”
He rolled onto his side and met my lips, pulling me tighter against him. “I’m sorry he treated you the way he did over something so insignificant.”
I kissed his lips. His words, his understanding soothed a place in my soul that I needed at that moment. “I’m so glad you are here,” I murmured, kissing him again.
“Me too. You’re beautiful, Bella.”
His kiss this time felt a little different; it was slower, and as his hand cupped my cheek and his other hand held me tight, I wished he’d never let me go.
* * *
“I wishyou didn’t have to leave already.”
“Same. I wish I could stay here with you for a little while longer anyways. You seem calmer than you did when I arrived,” Asher said, looking up at me as he threw the protein bar into his bag.
“I am. It’s been nice having someone to have dinner with and to go to bed with, even if it was only for a couple of days.”
He smiled. “Yes it was. It’s been…lonely.” He winked.
Lonely didn’t even begin to cover it. The most comforting times I had this weekend was when I had been in his arms. They really were my favorite place to be, and I knew I needed to stop thinking that way, because in a few minutes he’d be on his way to his gate, and I’d be returning to my mother’s empty, cold apartment.
“How was your mom today.”
I shrugged. “Doctors aren’t too optimistic. They are giving her four weeks at most,” I said, wiping at my eyes.
“Bella, you know if you need me, you can message or call, right?”
When I didn’t look at him and respond, he tucked his finger under my chin and raised my head until I was looking at him.
“You can call,” he repeated.
“I know. Thank you.”
