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I tried to blink away the blinding waterfall and ended the call without a word. Sprinting up the stairs to the guest room, I closed the door carefully so as not to alert anyone or wake Dylan.
Plodding to the bathtub, I twisted the handle, filling the deep, oval soaker tub with almost scalding water. Nothing sounded better right now than to relax the tension in my body. I removed my clothes piece by piece, then studied my reflection in the gold-framed bathroom mirror. Tilting my head, I examined the curves of my body. Doubt of myself had already entered my mind. Now I was questioning my physical appearance. I knew better, but it was my natural grieving process after a breakup.
When Chance and I first started dating, he said he never thought he’ddate a stripperbecause he was too jealous, but itfelt different with me. He was proud of me. But all that seemed so pointless now. Maybe it got to him, and he used filming as an excuse to dump the chick who took her clothes off for the world.
I slid into the tub, bringing my knees to my chest. Face buried in my palms, I let the hot water hug my exhausted body. Every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was him and it was killing me. I peeked toward the shower next to the tub, catching a glimpse of my reflection in the glass wall. I no longer recognized myself. I was a shell of who I was. That’s when something in me snapped.
It was unhealthy to let him have control over me. I let Brad have that control and though Chance was never abusive to me I wouldn’t allow any man to fuck me up mentally.
I sighed.He’s not coming back. Crying over him was useless. I was still desirable, despite how I felt right now, but I wouldn’t let a man define me as a woman. I was done being sad, no longer caring who wanted me. I’d always love Chance, but no man was worth the lake of tears I’d wept.
At that moment, I exhaled a deep breath; the pain leaving my body with it. I laid back for God knows how long, staring up at the beautiful, black and gold Firework Sputnik chandelier Ian had installed himself when they renovated the bathroom. Breaking myself from the trance, I studied my pruned hands before wiping a leftover tear gliding down my cheek.
I stood, stepping out onto the navy-blue bathmat. Taking one towel from the gold bar, I dried myself then slid on a fluffy, purple robe and fuzzy white slippers. I trudged to the bed, taking a random book off an end table by the small sitting area as I passed.
My throat felt dry, and I could barely swallow. Getting up was the last thing I wanted to do right now, but I was thirsty from all the wine. I went downstairs to get a glass of water before I got settled. As quietly as I could, I crept down the hallways and back staircase. I heard a noise coming from the family room the moment my foot touched the hardwood floor. As I edged closer, I realized someone must’ve left the television on. Rolling my eyes, I meandered to the room. Everyone was standing in the center of the den, facing the screen.
Jenna was the first to spot me. An apologetic expression painted her face, and she shook her head. Ian slowly swiveled around, his body shifting barely enough so I could see the screen just as I heard the journalist mention Chance’s name.
“What is it?” Concerned, I crept closer, planting myself in front of them. “Is he okay?”
Oh, my God. My breath hitched. It was footage of Chance leaving a nightclub with two women before getting into the back of a black limousine, which then sped away. My fragile, mending heart was left shattered… again. My eyes welled with tears. I took several steps back, but Jenna grabbed my arm.
“Come on.” She guided me down the hall to the office, closing the door the moment we stepped into the room. Spinning to me, she held her arms out.
Shaking my head, I roamed the room, fighting back the tears I promised myself I would no longer cry. “I willnotcry over him again.”
The antique door creaked open. Ian poked his head into the room. “Can I come in?”
Throwing my hands in the air, I pursed my lips. Glaring at him. “It’s your fucking house.”
His eyes widened.
“Sorry, I just… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”
Ian nodded once, but I know if I hadn’t corrected my attitude with him that instant, he would’ve put me in my place. He wasnotone to fuck with, but he was loyal as fuck to his family and friends. Still, I would never get comfortable enough around him to piss him off.
“Amber,” Jenna sighed, “I don’t know what to say.”
“Ya know,” I snorted, “I decided that no man was worth the tears, but for some reason, it’s still killing me inside.”
Ian rolled his eyes. “I’m not trying to be an asshole, but you guys split up and he’s an actor—”
“Stop!” Jenna spat before correcting her tone. “She knows that, but she doesn’t need to hear it right now.”
“Yeah, I do!” Gesturing to Ian, I continued to roam the room, inspecting things I’d seen so many times. “Please continue, Ian!”
Jenna exhaled slowly, taking a seat in a nearby chair. “Oh, boy.”
Ian leaned back on the door. “All I was going to say is just like he is free to do as he wants, so are you. I know you don’t want anyone else right now, but you can’t do the things you love because you’re hurting.” He wandered to the opposite side of the room. “I’m not invalidating your feelings, Amber. I’m just saying maybe you need to focus on what makes you happy aside from him.”
Nodding, I stopped, processing his advice. My gaze met his. “I want to work again. Like actually work. I want to headline. I need to.”
“It might be a bit soon for that, maybe.”
“Listen, I know I had a breakdown,” I held my hands up, “but I need to find myself again and when I dance, I never feel lost. It’s my escape.”
“I know how she feels,” Jenna murmured.
