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“Oh, this looks fancy what is—” I drop the entire box on the floor as soon as I see it. “You did not get me that.”
Charity cackles through the speaker. “Sure did. I told you. Answer to your man problems.”
“Charity, I have a child!” I have to whisper-yell so said child doesn’t hear me and come into the room.
“You’re not going to use it in front of him! You hide it well and high enough where he can’t reach and then wait until he goes to bed.”
No. Just no. I don’t like it. “I can’t believe you.”
“Come on, you’re so tense and uptight all the time and I say dump both the bastards and just do life right. Do you, boo.”
I hastily grab the box, looking for something to wrap it in. I’m throwing that out. I’ll have to wait until it’s dark out, so no one sees what I’m putting in the garbage. Gosh, that would be embarrassing if Mrs. Norman across the street saw it. She’s the elderly neighbor that walks outside in her bathrobe with curlers in her hair while holding one of her eight cats. “Charity!”
“Hey, I also got you your annual massage and pedicure. Don’t freak out. I am texting you the details so you can have youtime. Then maybe tonight you’ll have…youtime.” She lowers her voice into her most seductive tone for that last part.
The innuendo is disgusting. “You’re deranged.”
“You’re uptight.”
“You already said that.”
“I’ll say it again. You are uptight. A little battery-operated orgasm might do you more wonders than you realize.”
I shove the box under my bed, but then the potential risks fire off in my brain. If Jadon comes in here for any reason, he might find it. The closet seems like the best option. “I’ve got to go. I’m dropping Jadon off at daycare and then will head to the city for my yearly birthday appointment you so kindly gift me with.” As for the other gift, I’m getting her something worse in return.
Are chastity belts real? Maybe I’ll get her one of those.
Once I havethe thingcovered by the old chunky sweaters I keep on the top shelf—knowing I’ll never wear them again—I hang up with Charity.
I can’t believe she did that.
It doesn’t make logical sense, but I’m patting down the sweaters in case of, I don’t know, an earthquake or something. It would be mortifying if someone came in and found—
“Allie, I hope you don’t mind,” Dad barges into my room and I jump so fast I knock down the sweaters. The box comes down, but I slap it into the closet mid-fall before he sees it. “You okay?”
“Yes!” No. I am theoppositeof okay. I am without words right now. Also, I can’t breathe.
He frowns. “I was offering to take Jadon for you, so you don’t have to. Go get yourself some coffee or something before you head to your appointment.”
“Oh,” I try to appear cool as a freaking cucumber, like tossing my hair over my shoulder is the best way to do that. “Okay, that would be nice.”
He nods and looks down at the sweaters I knocked down with my impromptu closet shakedown. “You going to clean those up?”
“In a second.”When you can’t see that damn box.
“Right. Ted called. I guess he’s planning to take you out tonight for dinner, so I’ll probably see if Lucas wants to come over and we’ll have a boys’ night.”
Lucas? Here? After the hiatus? I doubt it. I’m not holding anything against him, but he’s not been around, so I wouldn’t count on it. The only reason I know he’s seen Jadon at all is because Jadon said his daddy came to visit him during “school.”
But also, I’m wondering why Ted didn’t just talk to me. Why he needed to call my dad to set a date with me? For my birthday.
What the hell is that about?
“Well, I’m going to grab him and get him in the car. I’ll see you later.”
Dad leaves with Jadon a few minutes later while I stand guard at the closet unmoving out of fear that the second I pick the damn thing up someone would walk in. Once I hear the front door shut and their voices outside, I reach forthe thingand put it back where I had it before.
The fact that I can’t even say what it is says enough right there. I am not someone capable of using one of those if I can’t say the v-word.
