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No, it is her that is something else.
Ted’s an idiot and she better not take him back or whatever they are. On a break? I stand with Ross on the issue. They’re on a break, so just as he’s freely dating, so should she. If she happens to date a little battery-operated toy, she’s well within her rights. Especially if she needs an assistant to help her figure it out.
If she happens to see the father of her child... Ted can take a fucking hike.
But damn, the thought of corrupting her right now is something that has me adjusting myself.
Allie:I would never ever ever ever ever ever tell you if I used it. Not even if it meant saving the entire planet from imminent destruction by aliens.
Lucas:Is that your fantasy, Allie? Aliens? Wanna get probed?
Allie:Don’t be gross, Lucas.
Lucas:You need to try it at least once.
Allie:No!
Lucas:Yes. Just try it once. If you don’t like it, I’ll toss it for you.
Allie:I will not tell you if I do or not. I’ll just tell you when to come pick it up.
I feel like a kid again, laughing over her antics while Kat rushes through the store, harassing the poor girl following behind her.
That reminds me.
Lucas:Are you going to that booster thing?
Allie:I go every year.
Lucas:Jadon coming?
Allie:No, Charity is going to watch him. I usually go as dad’s arm candy, but he’s got a date this year.
Oh, I know all about Tom’s date. I pushed him into Belinda myself when he came with me to get Jadon at daycare one day. She just started working at the facility and is recently divorced. Call me Cupid.
Lucas:She’s pretty hot.
Allie:I guess? She’s nice and seems to make him happy.
Yeah, because she feeds him meat and your dad is simple to please.
Lucas:So, are you going with anyone?
Allie:No. just a single piece of bread, here. I’ll be seeking all the hot single dads because I enjoy pushing a little conflict of interest. Coach’s daughter who works for the school, seducing local men for money to go towards the athletic department. It’s what I live for.
Lucas:Maybe they’ll show you how to use the vibe, then.
My phone suddenly rings, and it’s her.
She doesn’t even wait for me to say anything before she lays in on me. “I knew telling you was a mistake! You can’t just bring that up and throw it in my face like that! I didn’t ask for it. She just sent it to me, Lucas.”
“Relax, Allie.” I glance over at Kat, who is still harassing the poor girl, just trying to make her happy. She’s far from done here, so I step outside the store. “It was a joke. I was just trying to joke with you about it, not make fun of you.”
She breathes heavily on the other side. “I can’t even believe I’m not even going into my closet anymore because of it.”
God, I hope she never changes.
“I’ll bet if you used it, you would enjoy it more than you’d think. Just try it. I promise you’ll like it.”
