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“Allie, stop. Why does it need a name now? You can do it without calling it something.”
“Why do you always know how to push my—hey! That’s what we’ll call it. Pushing my buttons.”
Lucas is quiet, but I get the feeling he’s laughing by the time I hear the smile in his voice. “Pushing your buttons. Subtle. I like it. Now. Are you going to push your buttons?”
I look around the room and try to not think about the fact I grew up in here. As in, believed the tooth fairy visited me to leave behind a dollar for every tooth. But I can’t think about that. He mentioned turning the light off and lighting a candle. “Hang on.” There’s a candle on my nightstand that I light before shutting off the lamp.
Okay. Alright. It’s there.
I swallow the rest of my wine and hold the… button pusher in front of my face.
“You should put music on if that will help you relax.”
Right. Good idea.
I have no idea what to put on. I don’t want my first time to be to Kelly Clarkson’sSince U Been Gone…
“Do you have a suggestion?”
“Just put on some Lo-Fi beats. You’ll obsess over a song with words.”
True. That’s very true. With my tablet, I put on the music low so no one hears.
“Turn it on.”
The sound of the thing sends me reeling to shove it under the pillow. There’s no way nobody heard that. My dad is going to know. He’s going to walk in and—
“Allie?”
I struggle to pick up my phone while trying to figure out how to stop the buzzing sounds. “I can’t do this. Someone is going to hear.” That wine is already gone from my system, I just know it.
“Nobody is going to hear. They’re asleep, right?”
They better be. “Yes.”
“You’re fine. Trust me.”
I can’t. When I figure out how to turn the damn thing off, I can pull it out from under the pillow.
“Allie, just relax. Do this once, and then you’ll know if you like pushing your buttons.”
“It’s the sounds that are worrying me.”
“You want to use your hand?”
“I cook and bake with these hands, Lucas. I’m not using my hands.”
“Oh,” he groans. “You’re funny. Just do this. Lay on your back. Are you comfortable?”
“No.”
“Are you over the sheets or under?”
“Over.”
“Get under the sheets. Wait, what are you wearing? Are you naked?”
I blink. This is borderline. No, borderline was answering the phone call. This is… “Lucas, I’m not so sure we should talk about this.”
