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For two weeks, theRoguecrossed space from Nove Station to Haven. The shipping lanes between were initially patrolledby the Dantovonians. When Bernadette’s ship flew into Plasian space, theRoguewas watched over by Allied Forces patrols, overseen by the Galactic Council of Planets. Plasius had no military force of its own, and after a siege by Earth during its war with Kalquor, the Galactic Council had decided the peace-loving planet needed better guardianship. Finally, theRogueentered the Kalquorian Empire’s space, maintained by its own fleet. With Kalquor’s civil war over, the journey was safe to the point of boredom. Bernadette and her crew could have engaged the automatic pilot and slept through it, if they’d wished.
She did spend more time than usual in bed. Hal was an addictive diversion. He seemed to find her as fixating. All she had to do was ask or look at him with a certain mood or take off her clothes, and he was ready, willing, and so very able to keep her entertained.
He was gruff, often crude, but there was a lot more to Hal than what his rough edges implied. When sex wasn’t diverting them, they talked about his childhood, his career as a kurble player, and the early years of his clanship with Tumsa and Doljen, who’d both worked with the team as a trainer and medic, respectively.
Bernadette shared some of her history too. When Hal opened up more and more as the days passed and his memories poured in a flood, she realized he hadn’t had anyone to talk to as a friend in a long while. His was a heart-wrenching loneliness that matched the flashes of guilt he betrayed when he verged close to speaking of when his clan had fallen apart. She encouraged him to talk and watched the hard-bitten, brash veneer he wore fade a layer at a time.
He often presented himself as a stereotypical big, dumb jock, but Bernadette discovered he was well-read in various philosophies, including the religion she’d served as a nun. He was also up to date on the latest scientific achievements andcould calculate complicated math problems in his head to do with space flight, flight pattern changes, and fuel consumption she usually relied on her computer to solve. She still checked his computations, but he was always right.
The few instances she spoke of her past, she told him of her abusive father and how he and her mother died in a murder-suicide. She spoke of how she’d kept the kitchen knife he’d used to do it as a gruesome memento to remind herself of life’s cruelties. “It was taken by the Kalquorians on Europa after I tried to use it to kill myself.”
“Did you really want to die?”
“No. And yes. Part of me would have been relieved to go. I’d endured so much loss, and faced what appeared to be a future as a breeding slave. Until Doljen got my head on straight, I thought I’d put up with more than my fair share.”
“Had you been in love before him?”
She told him of the man she’d loved on Earth, how she first lost him to another woman, then to death. Hal was supportive when the old pain surfaced. His was quiet support, but how his expression reflected her pain and offering compassion was all she needed.
He was different from Doljen, but Hal’s appeal was strong too. Bernadette discovered a genuine affection for the bruiser. She began to wonder if Nobek and Imdiko could somehow be reconciled. If she could keep both.
I think I could love him, given the chance.Nonetheless, if she had to make a choice between the two, she’d opt for Doljen. He’d won her heart years before, and her search for him had been the main thrust of her life since. But Hal was making a case for her heart as well.
She didn’t tell him. She didn’t ask about his feelings for her or if he even had them. She had to find Doljen and discover which way that wind blew.
It was in a thoughtful state of mind that she assumed her mantle of captain as theRogueapproached its docking assignment on the combined Earth and Kalquorian colony of Haven. Kom arrived on the bridge shortly afterward and stood beside her. Despite the two weeks of reduced official duty, both because there had been next to nothing to do in his role of security head and because he’d saddled his second with most of his usual routine, he appeared tired.
He was having his own relationship concerns with Matthew Larsen, who’d remained on board. The few occasions Bernadette had seen her fellow Earther, she’d noted his tendency to flinch when anyone besides Kom came near. He wore defeat like a shroud.
Knowing better than to get into a discussion on Kom’s feelings, Bernadette muttered, “I’m glad you could show up for work.”
“Yeah, well…” he stopped talking, his mouth settling in a grim line. “Thanks for putting up with the last-second roster changes. And for letting Matt stay.”
“You’re paying for him, and he isn’t tearing up my ship. It’s all good.”
“I wish it were.” Shockingly, Kom kept talking. “Have you ever had to deal with someone so damaged from their earlier lives, it’s as if they still live there? Trapped, as if the past is a cage they can’t get out of? And convinced they have no right to be happy?”
With no booze involved, only desperation would have made him open up to Bernadette. Larsen must have been really bad off.
“As a matter of fact, I have. Some of the aspirants I dealt with on Europa had tragic stories.” Bernadette had been coping with her own tragedies and had done her best to avoid anyone else’s, but one young woman had managed to worm her wayinto the nun’s battered heart. Bernadette felt a flicker of warmth for Tina Novak, happily clanned and reunited with her younger brother and sister after the war. It was nice to know some tales had happy endings.
I’m overdue to com her and catch up. A certain big, hot, scarred Kalquorian with a two-prong beard keeps distracting me.
“I’m not so sure Matt doesn’t belong in an institution. I’m afraid he’d think I was abandoning him if I shipped his ass to one. Truth is, I don’t want to let him out of my sight.”
“You’d think it had been him held prisoner instead of you.”
“He was a prisoner. I was in the cell, but he was forced to behave against his own nature. His life hung by a thread. A wrong look or a wrong word would have gotten him executed. He was traumatized before I set eyes on him.”
“Have you talked to your clanmates about him yet?” Despite her determination to avoid pointing out he was verging on sentimentality, Bernadette couldn’t help digging for information. This view of a lovesick Kom was a revelation.
“Their work schedules are tight, but they plan to rendezvous with us in a few weeks so they can meet him. I hope we can arrange to spend a few days, wherever we end up?”
Bernadette repressed a sigh. “I’ll see what I can do. If Dramok Tumsa can point me to Doljen, it shouldn’t be a problem. I have the feeling that layover might be lengthy.”
“I wouldn’t mind a long stopover with my clan. Let me know if you want me to beat the information out of Tumsa.”
