AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“She’s in love with Doljen.” Halmiko’s tone was filled with emotion, but Tumsa wasn’t sure what feeling had imposed itself on him. Once upon a time, he would have been able to read the Nobek’s mind.
Too late for us.
He cleared his throat of the lump that had formed. “She said he’d claimed to love her too.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if it were true. She’s an impressive woman.”
“Oh?” He didn’t bother to hide his curiosity about how close Halmiko and she had gotten.
His clanmate regarded him, his lips twitching as if he fought off a smile. “Irritating too. But mostly appealing. You’ll like her if you get to know her.”
Halmiko had slept with her. Tumsa experienced a twinge of envy. “I can see the attraction.”
“You’d have to be blind not to.” Shame crossed Halmiko’s face, but his gaze remained steady. “I messed up.”
“With her? I noticed you arrived separately.”
“Yeah, with her, but that isn’t what I was referring to. I’m talking about us. You, me, and Doljen. The way I left. You didn’t deserve that.”
“Yes, I did. You didn’t screw our clan up as much as me.” Tumsa hated the weak words he’d spoken hundreds of times before, but they jumped out of his mouth anyway. “I’m sorry. Every day of my life, I’m sorry.”
Halmiko shook his head. “I let him disappear. Even if he wouldn’t talk to me…but why would he? I had a responsibility to Doljen as his Nobek. Same with you. I knew where you were, but I never checked to verify you were safe. Not even when Haven was under siege.”
“Could you stand to look at me after what I said? After I drove our Imdiko away? I certainly couldn’t. I still don’t own amirror.” Unlike Halmiko, he couldn’t hold their gaze. He stared at his hands, clenched tight on his thighs.
“We were a great team back in the day, on and off the field. I fucked that up. You trusted me to keep Zakla straight. He died on my watch.”
“He died because he was in pain, because he’d been injured too many times on the field, and because there were people who’d feed him the painkillers he was addicted to.” The words were foul on his tongue, because Tumsa couldn’t quite convince his heart he hadn’t failed his older brother. He kept going with the logic anyway. “Zakla proved he was predisposed to addiction before he was hurt. He got into trouble because of the choices he made. You had nothing to do with it.”
“I was his best friend. I should have been able to do something. Then I blamed it on Doljen letting him play.”
“As did I. If you and I were guilty of anything, it was dumping our grief on him. And I did it worse than you.”
Ancestors, he’d fucked up so awfully. What was he thinking, asking to go with Halmiko and Bernadette in the hopes Doljen would bother speaking to him? He was a million times a fool.
He was so lost in despair, he jumped when a hand settled on his shoulder. He glanced up to discover Halmiko had walked to his chair and knelt beside him. His heart hammered to see that older, sadder, but so familiar face close to his.
His Nobek. Once upon a time.
“We can’t go back and undo it. Maybe Doljen can’t forgive us. Maybe we can’t forgive ourselves. But we owe it to him to try one more time. That’s what everything in me is screaming for.” Halmiko’s grip tightened. “We were so good together before it all went to shit. I’d give anything to have another chance.”
Tumsa swallowed against the lump that had taken residence in his throat. If only it were possible. “What if Doljen disagrees?”
“It doesn’t matter. I’m his Nobek, as little as I’ve acted the part. I’ll follow him into the heart of the sun to do my duty by him. And you, as well. What do you say…my Dramok?”
It was a full minute before Tumsa recovered enough to answer.
* * * *
Upon his return to theRogue, Halmiko found Bernadette repairing a food cooling unit in the vessel’s stainless steel-shiny kitchen. He thought about telling her how adorable she was with dirt smeared on her cheek and chin, but her fierce expression warned him off.
He crouched down closer to her level. “Hey, woman. How’d it go with Fod?”
She eyed him from her cross-legged position on the floor, surrounded by corroded metal coils. “Why is it so hard for you to refer to your commanding officer ascaptain?”
“Maybe because I’ve seen you naked? Besides, I’m not on duty for a few more minutes, so formality can fuck off until then. Don’t worry, even off the clock, I totally respect you as our fearless leader.”
“Yeah, sure you do.”
