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“Besyu District is all about being self-sufficient. I grow some food in my garden. I hunt and fish. I skin what I kill for meat and sell the furs to supplement the small amount of money I make as a doctor. It’s enough.” He nodded to the one modern-looking item in his home, a metal door set in a wall. “That’s my treatment room and emergency surgery. If I require a new piece of equipment or medicine to have on hand, I let the residents know. They take up a collection to help me buy it.”
“It sounds like a decent system. Is this really a haven for criminals in hiding?”
“There are a few characters I wonder about, but people keep their noses out of everyone else’s business. A lot of those who live here got tired of busting their asses for rank or prefer a simple, back-to-basics life.”
“Some just prefer to disappear. Like you.”
His smile had assumed a sad tone. “As I said, the simple life. You’d be amazed how much less stressful it is to be alone most of the time.”
She set her fork down and pushed her plate away. She propped her elbow on the table and rested her chin in her hand, looking at him. “You aren’t lonely? You were so gregarious with your shipmates on Europa.”
He pushed his own plate away and shifted on his cushion to face her. “I miss people, sure. On the ship, I could be friendly and continue to hold people at arm’s length while having a few laughs. Here, yeah, I’m alone with my thoughts, and theyaren’t always nice. But compared to the hurt and damage I risk elsewhere? I’d rather stay secluded.”
“You have no interest in seeing Tumsa and Halmiko? Hearing what they have to say? They want to know you’re okay and to tell you they’re to blame. Seriously, Doljen, each of you has decided it’s all your fault a drug addict got himself killed. Don’t any of you realize he was a grown man who should have accepted responsibility for his own issues?”
She didn’t miss how he winced. “Zakla was a great guy. He’d cleaned up after an early addiction, then he’d gotten injured playing. The medication for the pain yanked him back into the world of addiction. The day he died, I suspected he’d been out partying the night before—”
“What were you supposed to do? Lock him in a dungeon between games? Chain him on a leash? I’m not saying he wasn’t a good person. I’m saying he made his choices and that’s what killed him. Not you. Not Tumsa. Not Halmiko.”
“That isn’t what they said.”
She imagined wringing his neck, and it cheered her up a little. “Right after his death, no. They were dealing badly with grief and guilt. They still are, if you ask me, but they’re mostly mourning the breakup of your clan rather than Zakla’s death.”
His brows drew together. “Are you asking me to get back with them?”
“No. But you should talk to them.” She grabbed his hands and held them. “I had no idea if you would see me again. For all I knew, you were done with me after Europa.”
Protest filled his expression. “Bernadette—”
“I had to take the possibility under consideration, as little as I liked it. I had to find you, though I knew it could end with my heart broken. Either way it went, I needed that closure. You need it too, where your clanmates are concerned. As do they. Then we can all figure out where we go from here.”
“I hope you wish to be with me.” His gaze was anxious.
“I thought I’d made it clear that I do.” She’d identified a major issue that she hadn’t considered before. “The thing is, I have my ship. I love my work, which allowed me to search for you and gave me that fulfillment we talked about on Europa. I’m unwilling to give it up.”
“Then I’ll come with you. Could you use a doctor?”
Bernadette’s hopes soared with his answer. She kept them firmly in check. “As a matter of fact, my current doctor is abandoning ship soon. But Halmiko is now part of my crew. I can’t very well toss him off with best wishes he doesn’t starve before he finds another ship to work for.”
“Oh.” Doljen looked away. “Is he looking for another ship yet? Because I doubt I’m ready to talk to him, much less stuck on the same vessel. How often do you come to Lobam? Maybe I should—”
Loud beeps sounded from the bedroom. It was her com, blaring the emergency signal. With a curse, she hurried to fetch it. “I swear, if it isn’t an actual emergency…”
Chapter Fifteen
Bernadette listened to the message Kom had left and rolled her eyes at him referring to Hal as her “lover boy.” Mostly, she was incensed at Fod. Why did he have to hang around and be an asshole now, when she had just found Doljen?
She began dressing and called through the open door, “I have to return to the ship.”
A few seconds later, he appeared in the doorway. “Trouble?”
“Unfortunately. There’s an Adraf begging me to cut his overly long neck. I’m in the mood to grant his request.”
She noted the panic in his expression. “I’m not ready to see Halmiko and Tumsa. I’m considering what you said about closure, but I can’t right now.”
“Hey, I’ll return after I murder this creep and hide his stupid body.” She had to put on her shoes, but she went to Doljen instead. “I didn’t show up to take off again after a few hours. I’ll be on your doorstep again once I settle this issue, okay? Without Tumsa and Halmiko. I promise.”
Relief flooded Doljen’s face. “Thank you. I’d hate to lose you again, Bernadette.”
