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“You must know the drill, having been a ship’s doctor during the war.”
He sighed. “Security has to clear a ship that’s been rigged for explosives before a medical team can enter. I understand it, but I don’t agree with it. Lives can be lost because of a difference of a few seconds.”
“Many doctors agree with you. I’m going to check on how Kom’s surgery is going.”
She left him to watch and wait to see if the Nobek he’d rejected would live.
After half an hour, assured the surgeons working on Halmiko were competent, Doljen used his credentials to check on Kom’s status. Armed with all the information he could gather, he went out to the waiting room where Bernadette and Tumsa paced worriedly.
At his appearance, they rushed to him, the expected questions spilling from their lips. He spoke over them, his voice loud but calm. “Halmiko’s stabilized. There was no irreparable damage to his heart, as far as they’ve been able to ascertain, but the other internal injuries are problematic. They’ll be working on him for a while yet.” When they paled, he hastened to add, “He’s alive and fighting to stay that way. Halmiko’s as tough as they come. If anyone could survive being blown up and crushed, it’s him.”
“Sir? Doctor? Do you know how Nobek Kom is doing?”
The question came from a young blond Earther male who stood a few feet behind Bernadette and Tumsa. He shook visibly. He was the companion to the security head, apparently.
“They’re just about finished with him. He’s doing well, but…” Doljen hesitated, wondering if it was ethical for him to share all of it before the full outcome was known.
“But?” Bernadette had gone as pale as the young man.
“His arm was crushed and nearly severed. I don’t believe they were able to save it.”
The man cried out and staggered several steps. Bernadette rushed to him and helped him to a chair. She leaned close and whispered to him as he sobbed.
That left Doljen facing Tumsa. He took in his Dramok and noted he’d barely changed. Still boyishly handsome, still trim and athletic. Even the shadows under his eyes, once courtesy of worrying over his older brother, remained the same.
“What are Halmiko’s chances?” Tumsa whispered.
He’d never asked that bad news be sugarcoated. Doljen sighed and shrugged. “I can’t say, since I’m not the doctor putting him together again.”
“Best estimate. Please, Doljen.”
“Fifty-fifty.” Despite Tumsa’s insistence on the unadorned truth, Doljen couldn’t help but make it sound better than he thought it was. Halmiko had damned near been smashed flat. For an instant, he felt like crying alongside the human.
Maybe he couldn’t imagine living with his Nobek again, but he also couldn’t imagine a universe without Halmiko. It didn’t feel possible.
Tumsa was visibly gathering himself. Doljen could almost hear him picking over his words in his head before uttering them. “However it turns out, you did your best to save him. Just as you did for Zakla.”
Doljen hung onto the sliver of calm he possessed. “You weren’t there when I lost Zakla.”
“I watched the footage. I know what you did for him.”
A news crew had recorded Doljen’s frantic screams for a crash kit as he’d knelt over Zakla on the field. Preserved for all time, there was a record of how he’d fought to get the kurble star’s heart beating again, just as Bernadette had done for Halmiko in the engine room. The difference was, she’d succeeded. Doljen had failed.
“Halmiko told me every time the vid was played, you ran from the room.” Days later, Doljen had done his own running, from his clan and the life he’d loved.
“I finally stayed and watched. I saw you battling for his life with every ounce of your ability. I witnessed your grief, your disbelief over what was happening. That’s when I realized what a hateful bastard I’d been to you and Halmiko. That’s when I tried to apologize. As if I could ever atone for the things I’d said.” Tumsa covered his face with his hands, muffling the rest. “I amso sorry, Doljen. It’ll never be enough to win your forgiveness, but I’ll regret what I did to you for the rest of my life.”
Hurt flooded Doljen. None of the pain was for the past accusations Tumsa had flung at him, but for the misery they’d all suffered. For Halmiko, who’d begged him for forgiveness as Tumsa did, only to be refused. And now his Nobek was barely alive.
The pain was so great, Doljen could hardly breathe. His survival sense demanded he run to escape it before it destroyed him, as it had come close to destroying him eight years before.
He noted Bernadette looking at him from her chair, letting the Earther man cry on her shoulder. He couldn’t let her witness him running away again. She’d forgiven him so much, but she might not forgive him if he turned tail this time.
I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself either.
He drew a deep breath. He’d stay. He’d deal with the past he’d avoided for so long. He’d learn Halmiko’s fate, then…
What would come next, he had no idea.
